The Last of the Mohicans (1992)

Michael Mann can be a very hit or miss director. For every Heat or Collateral, there's a Last of the Mohicans. It isn't that the film is bad necessarily, just that it's hard to like something that is missing so many parts. Great waves of plot simply wash over you with little to no emotional attachment to spur interest, leaving you with setpiece after impressive setpiece. It's like if someone made a movie of only the good parts, without anything in between to make it mean anything. Sure there's a story in this muddled, schizophrenic tale of trappers and British in Colonial America, but so little time is spent giving it context that it all collapses. This isn't a terrible film, and at times it's a fairly attractive one, but there simply isn't enough weight or heft to make this worth the time.

4 out of 10.

Note: This review is based on the 1999, 2-hour re-edit of the film. Unfortunately, it's the only version available on DVD in the US.

A Fistful of Dollars (1964)

Also known as Per un pugno di dollari.

As far as remakes go, this one is hard to beat. Taking Akira Kurosawa's classic Yojimbo and reimagining it as a western works better for this story than one would expect; the desolate desert countryside, the bandit gangs' pistols replacing samurai swordsmen, it all fits together extremely well. Just like Yojimbo, a man rides into an isolated town in the middle of a war between two gangs. Deciding something needs doing, he sets out destroy both, whether the townspeople want it or not. The resulting clever manipulation and chaos is solid entertainment. Clint Eastwood is in his early prime here, squinting his way through one tough situation after another and giving his grumpy gunfighter a great sense of humor and stubbornness. Meanwhile all of the points that its predecessor got right are mimicked here to great effect, and often perfectly expanded upon. While it's easy to label this movie a plagiarized remake of an earlier great film, that doesn't mean it can't succeed on its own.

8 out of 10.

For a Few Dollars More (1965)

Also known as Per qualche dollaro in più.

Bounty hunters roaming the west, searching out bandits and turning in their corpses for cash. It's a hell of a way to make a living, and one that our friend Clint Eastwood fits right in to. Here the man with the permanent squint competes with a fellow bounty hunter while going after an absolutely ruthless gang leader. The result is an epic dose of uneasy truces, rousing gunfights, and Eastwood's trademark cold attitude. Every bit of this movie drips with the very best of what Westerns have to offer: the wild open fields, the saloons and bar fights, tough hombres packing six-shooters—it's all here, and presented by a master's steady hand. Even more than four decades since its creation, this film has barely aged a day. Sure, the sound is a bit muted and some of the pacing doesn't quite fit with today's hyper-cut action extravaganzas, but It's still exciting, still intriguing. As part of the archetype for the modern action hero, and the modern action film, this film deserves its place in history.

9 out of 10.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (1966)

Also known as Il buono, il brutto, il cattivo.

What can be said about this movie that hasn't been said already? The score is legendary, the actor is a cinematic mainstay, the title itself is a constant reference in pop culture, and the film itself is largely considered the defining film in the genre. So it's important at least, but is it any good? Does it hold up to decades of age? In a word: yes. In a bigger word: YES. This savage treasure hunt has barely aged a day. Every moment of its gun slinging charm and backstabbing twists hold up to years of scrutiny. Eastwood's nameless hero still remains the archetype for the modern movie action hero, while the moments where the film crosses paths with the Civil War remain potent and some of cinema's most impressive scenes. There is genuinely nothing to knock here, nothing to criticize. If you have any love of cinema at all, watching (or re-watching) this is three hours incredibly well spent.

10 out of 10.

Downfall (2004)

Also known as Der Untergang.
Of all the World War II films to come along over the years, so very few of them deal directly with Adolf Hitler, and rarely do they make any attempt to show the opposing force as much more than faceless targets, deserving of every bullet and explosive hurled their way. That is the very thing that makes this film unique and interesting. Depicting the final days of Hitler himself, as well as his closest military advisors and National Socialist Party leaders, the movie treads carefully. Every attempt is made to seem even-handed about its subject matter. Hitler himself is portrayed not as a monster but as a man, frustrated and frequently unreasonable, slowly caving to the stresses around him. Meanwhile some of those nearby are unwaveringly devoted to his ideals, while others seem less certain. The result is a conflicting set of emotions. You feel sorry for a lot of these people not because of what they are and what they did, but because of who they affected and the lives that it cost. For me, at no point did I feel asked to pity the Nazis (it's safe to say that they are beyond redemption), but I did pity the German soldiers and the German people, and the senseless waste that so few people ultimately caused. This is a challenging film because in some ways it humanizes one of the most arch enemies the world has ever known, yet in doing so it highlights just how absurd World War II was.

9 out of 10.

Cashback (2006)

This is pretty much what you would get if you took the camcorder kid from American Beauty, made him British, and stuck him in a sex-romp romantic comedy. Still if this is what passes for a casually stupid foulmouthed comedy in Britain, then I could do with more of it. Following the life of an art school student whose relationship has just fallen apart, the majority of the movie sees him coping with an extended bout of insomnia while trying to get himself back together. Meanwhile, he likes to draw naked women. As an excuse to show copious amounts of T&A there have certainly been worse. The artistic angle at least allows it to seem more sophisticated, and for a while in the first half you might even think the film has higher aspirations. And then it slowly slides into a more mundane romantic comedy, complete with silly, persistently one-note sidekicks and your standard off-kilter-in-that-perfect-way love interest. Still, as an artistic endeavor there's enough merit in the first half to sustain itself, and the comedy of the second half is decent.

7 out of 10.

Conan the Barbarian (1982)

Forged of few words, Arnold Schwarzenegger picks up a giant sword and swings it into one nameless drone's face after another. He's really at his best when he isn't talking. In this film, there isn't much but an angry man driven by age-old revenge pointed at a cult of snake-worshipers. Along the way a lot of men lose their heads and a lot of women lose their tops. The whole thing is manly brawn winning over all, but that's entirely its charm. There's a gleeful lack of political correctness to this era of action films and something like this drives it further home; women are often leverage while the bad guy is the only black person in the whole film. But then it's a throwback. It isn't condescending or mean-spirited, just a brutal ride through harsh territory, and a big, dumb, meaningless, lovable film.

7 out of 10.

Conan the Destroyer (1984)

How did they screw this up? The original was about as far from a masterpiece as a “good” film can be, but it at least knew the strengths of its cast well enough to have them keep their mouths shut and their swords out. Things were kept simple and violent. For this outing, pure simplicity is thrown out the window, replaced with more speaking parts, toned down violence, and a wise-cracking cowardly sidekick. As a result almost all of the charm present in the first film is lost. Conan once again dons his most formal loincloth to do battle with another crazy cult and their crazy sorcerers. More swords flash, more heads roll, more time is spent ogling Arnold Schwarzenegger's chest, and the audience yawns. Just watch the first one again.

3 out of 10.