The Hangover (2009)

They say “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.” Sometimes it doesn't even get that far. Such is the case when four hapless guys gather to give a friend the most amazing bachelor party they'll never be able to talk about. Thing is, the next morning none of them have any idea what happened the night before and the bachelor himself is nowhere to be found. For as wild and over-the-top as the film is, really the story itself is the best thing it has going. Piecing events together bit by ludicrous bit keeps even the frequently mediocre humor from being a turnoff. As a comedy, it has a few chuckles and keeps a fairly persistent grin going, but it never seems to leap into something genuinely hilarious. The fun is instead found in seeing the utterly ridiculous situations the guys find themselves in, and learning how the writers will backpedal to explain. In an exceptionally rare turn of events, a comedy's plot successfully overshadows its humor.

7 out of 10.

Hot Shots (1991)

A moment of silence for the good screwball comedy. There's something to be said for a good one-two punchline brought on by a throw-away non-sequitor and a terrible pun. In a lot of ways, it seems to be a lost art. While not up to the quality of the Naked Gun films, this little gem has enough great moments to cover up many of its failings. Choosing Top Gun as its inspiration, the primary problem is that the film tries to play it a bit more straight than most of its peers, making a slight attempt at giving the story an actual progression. The humor that drops in is largely incidental. Yet star Charlie Sheen, and the late Lloyd Bridges, still bring their A-game, hamming up the screen and giving clever winks to the camera. Bridges in particular is hilarious as a mumbling, senile, injury-prone navy admiral. In all, it's not the kind of film that anyone would mistake for a comedy classic, but it definitely is worth its share in fond memories.

7 out of 10.

Hot Shots: Part Deux (1993)

When it comes to sequels, the comedy that surpasses its predecessor is rare indeed. The first was far from a classic, but in making this follow-up it's clear the makers did everything in their power (and budget) to improve the formula. So here we are again, this trading in the open sea of Top Gun for Rambo: First Blood Part 2's jungle forest setting. The jokes are bigger and flashier, the writing more amusingly convoluted, and they had the great sense to throw Lloyd Bridges onscreen much more than last time. It all works, and though the ravages of time have not been kind to some of the gags and plot points, the level of outlandish creativity tossed about is simply delightful.

8 out of 10.

Hancock (2008)

Had it actually bothered to have a beginning, this might have been a fun flick. Unfortunately, the very moment you start to care even the least for the characters, the credits start to roll. So what does that leave us with? A bunch of players who remain bland until the very end, a smattering of action sequences that barely make any visual sense, and jokes that lack the proper setup and context to be genuinely funny. It needs a first act, but instead we just leap right into the thin of things. But even worse is that there really wasn't a lot of potential squandered to begin with. Beyond the most basic premise of a homeless alcoholic with superpowers, the rest is almost all gristle. Past a few clever bits toward the middle, there's pretty much nothing to see here.

4 out of 10.

Howl's Moving Castle (2004)

Also known as Hauru no ugoku shiro.
Seeing something completely, utterly new and unique in a movie is a rare thing. It's also Hayao Miyazaki's stock and trade. This tale of warring wizards and a young woman cursed into old age is so inventive, so eye-popping and fresh that there's hardly any room left for a coherent story. Make no mistake, at every turn and in every scene there is a new kind of magic or spell being cast that results in a careening trip through a dazzling array of color and lights, beautiful hand drawn landscapes, or a perfectly animated transformation effortless in its character and subtleties. There is genuine enchantment to be had. But the story itself suffers for it, with large leaps in character logic and a world absolutely begging for further explanation yet receiving almost none. It creates an interesting yearning, an expectation that all the answers the movie expertly baits you into anticipating lie just around the corner. In that way it's a mildly frustrating film, but while it may less of a Miyazaki masterpiece than its peers, this is still filled with that trademark wonder, and near perfect beauty.

7 out of 10.

The Hurt Locker (2009)

About as taut a thriller as you could ask for, what The Hurt Locker may lack in depth of story it more than makes up for in pure filmcraft. Set in 2004 in Baghdad, the tale follows a trio of army bomb disposal specialists as they perform their incredibly high-risk daily duties. Every time they leave base, the tension becomes immediately palpable. The action and events are orchestrated with an excellent eye for the unexpected, keeping the viewer keenly aware of the ridiculous number of variables in play. It becomes relentless, as each mission wears the crew down along with the audience. The admittedly stereotypical trio is well fleshed out, while the screenplay avoids any attempt to portray the war in Iraq as anything but a tremendously difficult situation for all involved. Ultimately it's the ease with which the movie creates its incredible, visceral suspense that makes it a winner, with supporting details just deep enough to make it feel like it means something. It's shallow, but damn smart.

8 out of 10.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)

You can tell a franchise has gone on long enough when you start to see the quality cycles in which it runs. James Bond fans will know what I'm talking about. Here is a series that began with a halfhearted nudge out of the gate, picked up speed by the third film, and was at a full-on gallop by the fifth. Someone must have hidden some Ritalin into everyone's morning coffee for this outing. Unlike the better entries, Year Six at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry feels lethargic and drowsy. It lacks the excitement and surprise and fascination with itself that made the third through the fifth movies so engaging and charming. This one feels detached, with acres of dead space between the characters and the events, sparse highlights of barely conveyed emotion, and moments of action that feel designed to distract the audience from nap time rather than contribute to the story. You could argue that maybe there's too much story to tell in this, yet the previous film did a fantastic job in the telling and the source for this is almost a third shorter. Whether or not the magic is gone, it seems to have skipped over this entry.

4 out of 10.

The Happening (2008)

Were he not already signed to another picture before the release of this film, it is perfectly reasonable to think that this movie would have ended director M. Night Shyamalan's career. The man who brought us The Sixth Sense and Signs is absolutely at the bottom of his game here. It starts off well enough, as people mysteriously stop in their tracks and start killing themselves en masse for no reason, while school teacher Mark Wahlberg leads a group of “survivors” on a tour of New England to escape the chaos. Things degenerate from tepid to nauseating in quick order from there. The rest is pointlessly graphic violence shoehorned into a script that is, at worst, rated PG and carried out by a cast with the enthusiasm of someone who lost a bet. And don't even get me started on the whole end sequence. This director was once the prodigal child of cinema, someone to look out for. Yet the more he does, the worse his films become. Maybe the mass suicides in this movie is him screaming out, wanting to quit the biz. More likely they're symptoms of a man who still has good ideas, but no longer has any notion of how to turn them into a functioning film.

3 out of 10.

Heat (1995)

Nobody knows the crime drama better than Michael Mann. The former producer of Miami Vice and director of Collateral has made his name showing off criminals and the cops who chase them, and few films in his extensive ouvre are more iconic than Heat. The twisted tale of a heist mastermind and his legally opposing force is a winding ride down some very rocky roads. The key ingredient here is the film's fanatical focus on the personal lives of the key players; while there are certainly adrenaline-soaked gunfights and pitched stand-offs, the bulk shows the strife each of these men is facing at home. Marriages are ruined, personal lives thrust into jeopardy, and children neglected so these people can do what they do. It's carried off beautifully by lead actors Al Pacino, Robert De Niro, and Val Kilmer, as well as the expansive supporting cast. While the movie tends to drag on for a bit there is rarely a moment throughout that is less than interesting. The result is a fascinating look at the personal lives of those with dark professions.

9 out of 10.

Hellboy (2004)

A demon, brought forth by occult forces whose gods are intent on the destruction of the universe, a harbinger of the end times, is among us. He enjoys candy, and has a soft spot for kittens. He's also working with a covert branch of the FBI to battle the things deemed too weird to deal with officially. So goes the setup for Mike Mignola's quietly successful comic series, as well as this Guillermo Del Toro film adaption. It's hard to knock if for originality; in two hours you get ancient gods, extra-dimensional conspiracy, a telepathic fish man, and a Nazi assassin who bleeds dust. If you can get past how utterly bizarre most of it is, it spins a decent yarn, too. The story is served with extra pulp, but in that framework live some surprisingly well-developed characters, a few interesting twists, and enough funny one-liners to fill something that would typically be full of funny one-liners. Where it falls short mostly have to do in the lacking explanations of what exactly is going on—the gist of it is present, but as utterly bizarre as some of this gets it would be nice to get the full monty. Assuming you don't mind just going with it, none of that should pose much of a problem. Ultimately, it's far from perfect, but what it may lack in craft it more than makes up for in sheer concept.

8 out of 10.

Note: If you have the choice, go with the director's cut. The extra scenes put a dent or two in the pacing of the film, but in trade you get more great character moments, as well as better explanation into the world and its concepts.

Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008)

Whether you wind up liking the film or not, there's no denying its creativity. At first blush the story is only so-so, telling the tale of a vengeful elf prince out to destroy all humanity, and the FBI-employed demon sent to stop him. The pacing is erratic at best, throwing out a few dud moments among a few good-to-great scenes. And somehow the characters, both old and new, don't have the same lively spark of the first. But then you find yourself staring at the screen, and you realize what you're looking at. For everything wrong with the movie, the sheer quantity of memorable, iconic character and creature designs in this film are staggering and awe-inspiring. There are more fantastic, genuinely fascinating critters in this fantasy than in an entire year's worth of cinema. One scene in particular rivals the cantina scene in Star Wars for simply bombarding you with bizarre and quirky sights. Ultimately, while much of the actual movie portion of the movie just barely eaks out a win, the utterly wild imagination of the designers makes this time well spent.

7 out of 10.

The Incredible Hulk (2008)

Let it be known that 2008 was the year that the unified Marvel Universe finally came into being. Completely throwing out Ang Lee's much maligned (though technically fascinating) Hulk film from 2003, this iteration of Bruce Banner's anger-driven alter-ego is more like an extremely hyper-kinetic episode of the classic TV show. That's not all it throws out, either; the film doesn't have a first act. It assumes you know that lowly super-scientist Bruce Banner was infected with radiation that causes his anger to manifest as a giant, green, pissed off behemoth. This works to its advantage, creating a film that's lean, mean and, of course, green. There are still significant problems, of course—Liv Tyler's character is essentially a damsel in distress, and Tim Roth's growling commando character lacks proper depth for the choices he makes. But for everything it shaves off the top, it packs in so much on-the-run action, so much fan service, and so much pure movie fun that it's hard not to come out of the theater smiling.

8 out of 10.

A History of Violence (2005)

You can always count on director David Cronenberg to give you precisely what you weren't counting on. At any rate, he's certainly come a long way from Scanners and The Fly. Or maybe he hasn't. Hard to tell. This film is either the world's slowest action movie, or the most violent family drama since Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The only trouble with the movie comes from trying to define it; Cronenberg plays on more genre fringes than most, and yet the whole thing comes off fairly well in spite of itself. The script manages to weave in a decent plot amidst the irregular carnage, while Viggo Mortensen gives his doting father role his dead level best. Still, this is altogether for the more open-minded in the crowd, tolerant of both a saccharine-sweet depiction of idyllic country life, as well as some genuinely grotesque combat. If your stomach doesn't turn at gratuitous amounts of either then maybe a lesson in history will do you good.

8 out of 10.

Heroes: Season One (TV series - 2006 to 2007)

Those steeped in comic book lore will find a lot of familiar ground being tread here. For the fellow geeks in the house, all you really need to know is that Season 1 is basically X-Men's central conceit (with particular elements of the “Days of Future Past” and "God Loves, Man Kills" storylines) with the focus similar to Alan Moore's Watchmen. Across 23 episodes, the show is essentially the story of a significant segment of humanity suddenly gaining superpowers. Some fly, some are psychic, some can stop time, some can recover from any injury. Many use them for good, others for varying interpretations of evil. And then there are the requisite shadow conspiracies, mere mortal helpers and antagonists, and the crazy, sometimes too-perfect machinations of any good comic soap opera. There's a lot to like here, pulpy though it may be. The focus is kept pretty narrow in spite of its “save the world” plotline, but this lets the writers really let us get to know the ridiculously huge cast, as well as keeping the drama at a strictly human level. Toward the middle and end of the series, there are some genuinely breathtaking moments that stand out head and shoulders above most of what's on TV. The downside of the focus, however, is that there is rarely a point where the full gravity of what is going on is explored. There are none of X-Men's civil rights metaphors, or really any message to the story at all. Instead it's more of a Dickens-ian confluence of intertwining threads, some of which are utterly fascinating (the Cheerleader and Hiro narratives), some just okay (the Petrelli Family tale), and one in particular that just never clicks (the Single Mother story). Similarly, the early going in the series is rough—the story doesn't really begin until about the fourth episode. Despite its flaws, the series features a decent pile compelling characters, some clever plotting, and moments of great drama. Better TV shows have come and gone, sure, but Heroes manages to stand on its own.

7 out of 10.

House of the Dead (2003)

Don't get me wrong, I love bad movies. Not only do they remind you why you like the good ones, but sometimes there's enough camp value in trying to obliterate good cinematic taste that the whole thing comes off as an unintentional comedy. Not so here. Uwe Boll's first attempt at sullying the already troubled landscape of videogame-to-film adaptations is an abomination of poorly shot violence, superfluous plot mechanics, and Clint Howard. On the surface, that doesn't sound any worse than the average B-movie flop, but Uwe Boll takes himself so seriously with this steaming pile that almost all camp value is lost, giving you an disappointing “horror” movie that is neither interesting nor scary. I mean really, how hard is it to fail to at least be an amusing failure? Many other, less talented directors have done it, Dr. Boll, why can't you?

None out of 10.

The Hidden Fortress (1958)

Also known as Kakushi-toride no San-akunin.
Akira Kurosawa's films influenced entire generations of filmmakers, and continue to be a driving force in cinema today more than 15 years after his last film (and 10 since his death). The Hidden Fortress is well known to be the inspiration for George Lucas' Star Wars, and on further examination it becomes more and more obvious, but still manages to stand well apart from the sci-fi classic as an fantastically fun adventure of its own. Depicting two greedy, dimwitted peasants as they get recruited by an old samurai general to safeguard a princess, the parallels are easy to see, but that's where the similarities end. From there it's a light, wonderfully entertaining trudge across feudal Japan filled with a good bit of class conflict comedy and a couple of exciting sword fights. The film has aged exceptionally well, being readily accessible and entertaining to a modern audience, even managing to bridge the cultural divide thanks to its broad sense of humor and extremely likable characters. Simply put: this is an popcorn muncher heirloom, and a treasure to anyone seeking to see some of the best of what classic cinema has to offer.

8 out of 10.

The Hoax (2007)

Had 2004's The Aviator not been made, would yet another movie whose antics center around Howard Hughes have been greenlit? With The Hoax, we get Richard Gere and Alfred Molina as real life authors Clifford Irving and Dick Suskind as they try to manipulate their way into publishing a biography about the eccentric and reclusive billionaire, but along the way the film seems to lose itself in its own lies and obscured truths. By that I mean precisely the self-defeating confusion that the characters experience also occurs to the film. In trying to adapt Clifford Irving's autobiographical book to the screen, important details seem lost or poorly elaborated on. I expect that if you were around and paying attention when a lot of this was actually happening you'll get a lot more out of it, but the rest might be left scratching their heads on a few bits. Still, Gere and Molina do a fun job portraying their grand-scale con. While it never pays off the way it feels like it should, there's little to directly poke holes in. If you know the story then chances are you'll be intrigued; if not it could go either way for you.

6 out of 10.

Hairspray (2007)

As good an idea as sticking John Travolta in a fat suit and drag may seem on paper, the result is quite horrifying. In fairness, remaking the musical based on the film by cinema's most creative pervert, John Waters, should also be horrifying—it pretty much was for The Producers. Fortunately, the result is anything but! Catchy music and some ridiculously inspired casting decisions that include Christopher Walken, Michelle Pfeiffer, Queen Latifah, and James Marsden raise what could've been an another unnecessary exercise in remakes into something rather delightful. Part of it has to do with the plot, which pairs an upbeat 1960s sunny day with a pitch black subtext of ingrained racism and sexism, and the odd jab at the plus-sized crowd. Also, there's newcomer Nikki Blonsky as our overweight heroine, whose perky enthusiasm is infectious bordering on toxic. Basically the film is a fun little number that pours a pound of sugar on a sour little core of serious issues (and Travolta in drag making out with Walken). If that doesn't scare you off, there's a good chance you'll enjoy it.

7 out of 10.

Hitman (2007)

Y'know, I actually kinda liked this movie, though I will be the absolute last to call it anything resembling good. Basically it's enjoyable crap, and if you go in with the expectation that it's not much more than a eurotrash explodathon featuring dozens of bald men and a gleefully miscast Timothy Olyphant as our heroic, gun-toting invincible badass, I would say there's a decent chance you'll feel you've gotten your money's worth. Otherwise, there isn't a lot to look at here. It tries its hardest to work a Bourne Identity angle but utterly fails in consistently amusing ways, and while there are some neat-o action sequences they're largely edited into undecipherable mash. So no, this is not a good movie. But if you're looking for something to zonk out in front of, or maybe in need of a flick to beat to death with a few drunk buddies, this is a perfectly decent way to blow a few bucks.

6 out of 10.

Hero (2002 China, 2004 USA)

Also known as Ying xiong.
Heavily steeped in oriental warrior-philosophy, filled with love triangles and betrayals, and blessed with a visual style of stunning beauty, this is the kind of movie that puts the art back into martial arts. Taking cues from Akira Kurosawa's masterpiece Rashamon, director Yimou Zhang builds this story around telling the same snippets of story over and over again, each time from a different perspective, resulting in a tale of wonderful clarity and color. The acting here is a bit overcooked, but if you've ever watched opera, it comes off in much the same way: broad strokes of emotion meant to fill a canvas with each line, instead of the usual subtle nuance we're used to seeing. What really strikes home with this film, though, is its visual style. Picking a primary color to base each version of the story around makes for an interesting and exceptionally accessible symbolism that gives the audience the chance to sort out the true meaning of each story. It's a brilliant tweak that just makes watching the film much more interesting and attractive. If you're not big on warrior philosophy and foreign films, your mileage may vary. But for everyone else, regardless of whether they consider themselves fans of martial arts epics, Hero is absolutely worth seeing.

9 out of 10.