Mission: Impossible -- Ghost Protocol (2011)

Not many films dare to put the em dash in their title. Behind the slick, hyper-modern, Apple Computer veneer, this is sort of a throwback to a time before gritty and real and visceral (but still PG-13) were major buzzwords in tentpole action films. Tom Cruise leads a group of character archetypes through a massive conspiracy to stop a nuclear war. It's so strangely safe a plot that it has to be a race against the end of the world itself. But then, the story isn't the point; these are films about high tech, high tension set piece moments and action sequences with nearly unlimited budgets, and this is where the film largely delivers. First time live action director Brad Bird (yep, the guy who made Iron Giant and The Incredibles) is able to bring more than a few pulses of exceptionally nimble choreography, ranging from rousing and novel chases to a surprising number of quiet, clever, and subdued sleights of hand. The ragtag group of misfits chosen to save the world all find a great chemistry among the chaos, with each member given several chances to really shine and be featured. It's a movie absolutely overflowing with ideas to excite even as several of the story reveals fall flat. There's a sheer confidence to its goofy stride that, while it's certainly several notches over the top, it still manages to remain unpredictable and, best of all, damn entertaining.

8 out of 10.

Moonrise Kingdom (2012)

Wes Anderson films are sometimes a hard thing to judge. Sure they’re comedies, but they're often so deadpan it can be hard to tell. Is the film failing when it isn’t funny, or is it simply not trying to be funny at that moment? This approach works much better in some films than in others. This is one of those others. There are certainly moments in this quirky tale of a runaway boy scout, but they’re too few and too far between. In the meantime, we’re treated to some pleasantly bizarre camerawork, and intermittent appearances by the usual Wes-Anderson-film suspects spouting off the occasional one-liner or standing in a pleasantly preposterous setting. Generally, it works, but it’s missing something. The child-actors that make up the focus of the film are great as an ensemble but are very uneven when they’re off on their own, while the plot wanders with all the certainty of a child’s storybook. It’s served up with a wink, yet with little of the cleverness.

5 out of 10.

Monty Python: Almost the Truth – The Lawyers Cut (2009)

Let's go ahead and assume you're already a fan of Python. Because if you are not, there is nothing in this documentary series that will change your mind nor, frankly, is their story remarkable enough to stand on its own. With that unpleasantness out of the way, it's probably safe to call this six-part documentary series absolutely essential for the fans. Covering everything, from each Python's early childhood, through college and meeting up, to Flying Circus, the films, Graham Chapman's death, and what they've been up to since it all came to a close, no stone is left unturned. Each sordid detail, every little anecdote, and the extremely candid nature of criticism and nostalgia that comes spilling out is utterly delightful for the devoted. Where available, it seems that almost anyone of significance in putting together and supporting the phenomenon makes an appearance. In other cases where it tries to show people who were influenced by the Pythons' work, it perhaps comes up a bit short. Despite this, for the pure breadth and scale of information provided, and for just being an excuse to geek out in remembrance for such an awesome pile of comedy, this series should not be missed.

8 out of 10.

The Machine Girl (2008)

Also known as Kataude mashin gâru.
Any movie that plays the opening credits over a gang of highschool bullies being graphically dismantled by heavy munitions is bound to raise a few eyebrows. A fire hose-powered geyser of blood later, and this gruesome slab of modern grindhouse is off and running. Campy and violent in equally extreme measures, the sense of pure exuberant mania on display is infectious. Japanese entertainment has a history of throwing all sense out the window and yet still seeming logistically sound, but there's also spark of good old American cheddar thrown in for good measure. The result is simultaneously awesome and terrible and hilarious and utterly drenched in red. If you're in the mood for a grin and a bloodbath, this is definitely one to see.

7 out of 10.

My Name Is Bruce (2007)

Unfortunately, this is probably about as close as Bruce Campbell will ever get to doing another Evil Dead. Pity too, as this film definitely shows he still has the badass side of that character in him. Here Bruce Campbell directs Bruce Campbell playing Bruce Campbell, kidnapped by a devoted fan to do battle an ancient demon unleashed in a small mining town. It's a B-movie with an oversized B, filled with loving fan-service and covered in a thick layer of good natured cheese. It's a film for Campbell's fans, featuring bits plucked from all his best stuff, wrapped in the attitude of Army of Darkness, and stuffed with self-parody. If you have a hearty respect for Campell's more egomaniacal characters, there's a lot to enjoy here. If you don't already have some love for the man with the infinite chin, this might not be your cup of tea.

6 out of 10.

Moon (2009)

Like a lot of the great fiction, Moon gives us a very small idea and just lets it grow. What starts as an ominous musing on loneliness as a single technician wraps up a 3-year solo tour overseeing an automated mining operation on the lunar surface quickly pushes in all sorts of odd directions, turning itself on its ear and becoming fascinatingly unpredictable. The tweaks that come in the story are the kind of stuff that make up the best of short fiction, expanded out to just the right size. At the film's core is an essentially one-man show by Sam Rockwell, who turns in a career performance while trying to sort out the increasingly bizarre circumstances of his job. For those who like a little more drama and a bit more concept in their sci-fi, this strange, manic tale hits all the right notes.

8 out of 10.

The Men Who Stare At Goats (2009)

Military psychics and a stable full of farm animals, together at last! There's a weird kind of wonder going on in this film. Seeing Jeff Daniels as a hippie military commander akin to The Big Lebowski's The Dude boss around an amusingly addled George Clooney has a charm all its own. Toss Kevin Spacey into the mix and suddenly the movie has a certain kind of affable charisma that's hard to resist. Shame, then, that the final act is such a mess. Still, rolling around in the desert as Obi-Wan Kenobi himself, Ewan McGregor, tries to uncover the truth behind these military “Jedi Warriors” is just good fun and good laughs. It may fall apart at the end, but what is here is enough to be a worthwhile day trip into the psychedelic.

6 out of 10.

My Neighbor Totoro (1988)

Also known as Tonari no Totoro.
Sometimes the best things really are the simplest. Here is a film that essentially doesn't have a plot and barely makes any sense whatsoever, yet is absolutely full of effortless charm and childlike wonder. At every turn this movie seeks to delight and tickle the kid in everyone. And yet, this may not be for all audiences—the simplicity is both its greatest strength for many, but its greatest weakness for others. This is a very basic story: two kid sisters and their father move into a house next to a forest that may be haunted by very friendly, extremely adorable forest spirits. And that's it. That's literally the entire story. The following ninety minutes are merely the two sisters living their lives as children; one goes to school, they have arguments, they get in to innocent trouble. It's all extremely mellow and calming and filled with beautiful depictions of the Japanese countryside and pleasantly surreal encounters with the forest spirits. For those with a need for films with meat on their bones, this probably isn't for you. But for people who are strongly in touch with their inner child, or who are children themselves, this has a carefree innocence to it all that will bring nothing but smiles.

10 out of 10.

Maus (Graphic Novel - 1986 - 1991)

Mixing biography and autobiography, Art Spiegelman tells the story of his father Vladek's life as a Polish Jew as the Nazis ground a nation into dust, intermingled with Art's own difficulty relating to his overbearing father. Smartly, Speigelman chooses the graphic novel as his format, and draws with an effective style: all the Jews are mice, and all the Germans are cats. It's simple, it's effective, and it lets the author create his own take on the horrible reality, and not become weighed down by what has already been seen in pictures. It is incredibly potent, and crosses the line between merely being told about history, to truly relating to it. Maus doesn't just provide an incredible account of one of history's greatest crimes, but presents it in a way that is simple, personal, honest, and appropriately devastating. A masterpiece.

10 out of 10.

Memento (2000)

Jigsaw puzzles have a lot in common with this film. Both give you a pile of pieces and task you with sorting them into a coherent whole. In the case of Memento, it's one hell of a picture! Told starting at the end and backtracking to the beginning, it is essentially the story of a man searching for his wife's killer, but the problem is that he has short-term memory loss. He is incapable of remembering anything for more than a few moments. By telling the story backwards, we get to be part of his confusion as he comes to grips with, relearns, and deals with his situation. And throughout the gradual flashback you learn about the people he knows, the things he's done, and the full truth behind it all. Simply put, it's a brilliant device, keeping the audience constantly in the dark and wondering about why a thing is happening, but the best part is how it makes you reevaluate most, if not all, of what you know so far every time the narrative resets itself. The rest of it keeps up a high shine as well, with stellar performances all around, some good pacing, and an overall mystery complicated and layered enough to be worth figuring out. There's almost nothing about this film that falls short, and that which does is so insignificant that it really doesn't matter. In almost every way, this is a modern masterpiece of twisting logic and intelligent plotting. In short, it's unforgettable.

10 out of 10.

A Mighty Heart (2007)

Forgive me, but before we begin I'd like to express a personal note. This film is based on a very well covered story from 2002, and what I am about to say spoils the end of a movie based on a true story. I am sorry for that. I'm not sure when exactly I saw it, but the tape described (but mercifully not shown) of journalist Daniel Pearl's gruesome beheading was shown to me on a friend's computer some months after it had happened. I was 21, and for the first time in my life I saw real, honest-to-God violence of a level that even experienced minds would find nauseating. To say it gave me nightmares for weeks is an understatement; it rattled me down to the bones. For all the talk of violence-as-entertainment that gets done on this site, I would simply like to say that if nothing else, seeing true death, true evil is a totally different realm. If nothing else, it taught me that despite whatever violent videogames, or violent movies I may enjoy and call great, that there is a genuine difference between what is played for entertainment and what is real suffering. I wish I had never seen the tape—I really do. And for what little it's worth, my heart goes out to the widow Pearl and her family. Please have a look at http://www.danielpearl.org/ and see the ongoing work of a man and a family upholding ideals to bring about peace so that such evil may hopefully someday never be known again. Thank you.


Hopefully this review is not too biased, and my apologies if it lacks my usual spark, but to travel back (even if it's only five years) to such an galvanizing moment in my life was personally cathartic in ways maybe others won't experience. As a film, this is a very competently made crime drama with the fat trimmed and the pace brisk. Angelina Jolie is nearly unrecognizable as Mariane Pearl, the wife of journalist Daniel Pearl, who was kidnapped in Karachi, and her performance is both strong-willed and fittingly vulnerable. It has some issue with it's latter moments; much of the final breakdown is overlong and drawn out. The supporting cast is well picked and honest, though except for the police captain they don't really stand out. As a whole, this is a smartly told story of a heartbreaking tragedy.

8 out of 10.

The Mist (2007)

Note: Since I deem myself incapable of being objective with regards to this movie, I have asked my regular guest contributor, Phineas Gopher, to write up a more balanced review of the film to follow mine.

a biased fanboy's review:
Had it not been for the short story upon which this movie was based, I would never have started reading. The story was the first ever in text that pulled me in to a point where I realized that words on a page had power. So there is no possible way I can review this movie objectively—reading it was a seminal moment in my development. What I can do is review it on its quality as an adaptation, and as a fan of the novella. Well it doesn't disappoint, but then again I went in already sold on its wares. For almost 120 minutes, this is as close to what was in the short story as could possibly be depicted, minus an unnecessary sex scene. It is slavishly loyal to its source, to interesting effect. The language is intact, the violence is nearly identical, people die in the right order and in exactly the same way they die in the book, and best of all the things that are left vague and fuzzy in the story remain so. Your imagination gets to run wild in the white in all the ways it needs to. Even the little bits that go off the page work, including the best homage to Aliens since Aliens. It's more unnerving than directly frightening, and has a lot more to say about human nature than was originally there, but it all serves to keep what's on screen intact. In the closing few minutes, it jumps off the source a little more, but even the new material here feels like what would have been written. Except the last sixty seconds, which pretty much just pisses all over everything. It's not that I have a problem with the style of ending it was going for, just that what had been built as a horrific journey for our hero ends on such a sour note. I won't spoil it of course (this is Zero Spoilers, after all) but it will leave you a bit miffed. So what does an unswerving fanboy rate a movie that is a deeply satisfying interpretation of a personal classic for 119 minutes, but absolutely awful for one?

8 out of 10.

Note: If it's available to you, grab the Black & White cut from the 2nd disc of the DVD release. It lets the movie be what it is--a throwback--without any problems whatsoever suspending disbelief. Most everything is made better by the lack of color; the ending is more believable, the special effects have some of their flaws glossed over, the creepy scenes are creepier, and the gore is less graphic while somehow being more disturbing. Even the acting is magically made better! For the black and white cut, I'd happily slop on another point. B&W cut = 9.

a more balanced review by Phineas Gopher:

First off, when a billowing white cloud of smoke rolls into town and covers everything in sight, what do you call that? I think the answer worth most points on Family Feud would be fog. I guess that name was taken. Stupid John Carpenter. Anyway, titular disputes aside, The Mist is a solid genre offering that has less gore, yet bigger cajones, than many of its horror-film peers. Drawing from Greek tragedy, H.P. Lovecraft, and oh yeah, the Stephen King story of the same name, it examines how people would react to being trapped by a completely unexplainable catastrophe. With jabs at the government, religion, and perhaps humanity in general, it is not a happy picture. But it is an emotional one, a cathartic one, and one that demands to be seen in theaters. The only glaring flaws are the special effects looked half-finished (or more likely, half-funded) in places... good enough to get you there but no cuddle afterward. Also, one of the main characters (the "villain" if there is one) is over-the-top in a way that stretches credibility. Sure, she had the theater audience voicing their hatred audibly throughout the film, but her vulgarity clashes with her piety in a way that is very black-and-white, amidst characters that are otherwise subtle and realistic. Despite this, The Mist is a well-crafted little nightmare of a film.

7 out of 10.

The Motorcycle Diaries (2004)

Also known as Diarios de motocicleta.
Che Guevara has become a symbol of rebellion of late, but few people born after his death seem to know who he was. With Motorcycle Diaries, we get a glimpse into the man behind the ever-present t-shirt, and into the boy before the revolution. There's very little of the revolutionary here, merely the true story of Che's trip through South America with his good friend Alberto Grenado. Quiet, contemplative, and filled with character moments, Gael Garcia Bernal's portrayal of Che is both introspective and layered, playing a man who slowly gives up his boyhood to take on his mantle of responsibility, while Rodrigo De la Serna's take on Alberto is an exceptional foil to Che's burgeoning self. While it has almost none of what would make Che Guevara infamous in his final years, what's painted here is easy to interpret as the genesis of all leaders, for better or worse. Che eventually became an enemy and target of the United States, and perhaps that is a more interesting story, but the tale of the boy before the man is just as worthwhile.

9 out of 10.

Michael Clayton (2007)

Danny Ocean apparently moonlights as a high-powered attorney advisor person. Basically here we've got Erin Brockovich without the down-home country charm. The acting is excellent from top to bottom (especially Tom Wilkinson as a chief litigator/amateur stripper), the tale itself is compelling and involving from start to finish, and the directing is altogether solid. So what went wrong? Basically the audience knows the entire story by the start of the second act, while the characters have to play catch-up for the next ninety minutes. It turns what could have been an excellent legal thriller with a winding, complicated plot into over-simplified Oscar bait. It still manages to be interesting throughout but with most of the element of discovery removed so early, the film just isn't as good as it could have been.

7 out of 10.

Mr. Woodcock (2007)

If I had to guess, based on his performances in Bad Santa, Bad News Bears, School For Scoundrels, and now Mr. Woodcock, Billy Bob Thornton is gunning for King of the Low Brow Comedy. It's kind of sad, honestly. Thornton managed one of the most amazing come-from-nowhere break-outs I can think of with his role in 1996's Sling Blade, but now he's just doing one horrible comedy after another. Here he faces off against Sean William Scott, the very same person who took the low brow comedy of American Pie and drove it down past the gutter into some kind of subterranean humor hell. Great. Wonderful. It's Bad Santa versus Stifler. Toss in a pile of awful punchlines, inane physical comedy, and a 100% predictable plotline and you've got the makings of another dull, unfunny two hours of celluloid. Thornton actually seems to try to make the most of a bad situation, but everyone else is on a kind of clueless I'm-just-here-to-get-paid form of autopilot. If only the committee that built this floater had realized that the only thing this film had going for it was its titular character, then maybe it would've spent more time creating a funny script, or better yet, not made the movie at all. At least then I'd have that chunk of my life back.

2 out of 10.

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