The Expendables (2010)

Did you like the 80s? Did you like watching Arnold and Bruce and Sly kick ass and be macho? If the answer to both of these questions is yes, then you should probably see this. Otherwise, this ultra manly man-love letter to the action movies of yesteryear might fly right past you. Oh yes, it's all back: giant plot holes you can drive a truck through, high bodycount shootouts that erupt from nowhere, gigantic (albeit older) muscles flexing while being splashed with their enemies' blood, and long winded descriptions of how awesome a guy's weapon of choice is. Sure they added some of the newer faces in the genre, and sure a bit of CG enhanced carnage splatters its way onscreen, but this is about a simple-minded as you remember it. That includes some of the bad, too: the acting fails to live up to its camp potential, and the action sequences are nonsensical and comically violent. If films like Commando were your thing back in the day, you'll get a grin out of this.

6 out of 10.

The Evil Dead (1981)

You can just tell watching this film that the director was destined for bigger things. To be able to take so very little and, through the use of some extremely clever camera work and expert sound design, make something so near to a horror masterpiece is just incredible. At some point between the margarita toast and someone having their head lopped off with a shovel, this tale of teenagers in a haunted house goes from grinning B-movie cheese to legitimate horror with such ease and such simple grace that there's little to do but sit back and enjoy the gory spectacle. In many ways it's a perfect party movie; the silly and outdated stupidity is up front and ready for commentary, but just when the crowd runs out of things to say it's suddenly a legitimately scary movie. The origins, the movies that built the careers of both writer-director Sam Raimi, and B-movie staple Bruce Campbell, definitely stand the test of time.

8 out of 10.

Army of Darkness: The Medieval Dead (1992)

The Evil Dead trilogy is unique in that its films only barely attempt to maintain any consistency. Much like the second film, this third abandons its predecessor's tale, retells it differently, and goes on from what is essentially a new starting point. Here the last survivor of the first and second finds himself in medieval times, once again being called upon to fight undead demons. A big difference here compared to previous films is that the hero is largely on the offensive, exhausted and utterly pissed that no matter how many hellbeasts he destroys they just won't leave him alone. A bigger difference is that this film eschews all semblance of horror seen in the previous films, instead becoming an over-the-top action-comedy. The result is a frequently hilarious, endlessly quotable romp that is appropriately lacking in story and acting, while pouring everything it has into showcasing hero's cynical charisma. It's not nearly as violent or foul as the previous films nor is it as inventive, but taken for what it is, a B-movie trip through a haunted dark ages, there's a lot of fun to be had.

7 out of 10.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)

Just how much honesty are you comfortable with? Wrapped around the fantastical ideas and bent logic of Charlie Kaufman's script lie central truths that many of us have probably faced. What is the value of the painful events we endure? Does love really conquer all? The story here revolves around an unassuming Jim Carrey hiring an agency to pry into his sub-conscious and erase the memory of a relationship gone sour. In the process we see the the good, the bad, and the unbearable pain of love as he watches his recollections vanish into the aether. The central questions are up to audience interpretation, but the core clarity will speak to most everyone. It's not perfect; side plots have little-to-no real relevance to the big themes, and there seems to be an awful lot of comedians in the cast who aren't being funny. Even Carrey puts away his rubber face and wild-man antics for the entirety of the film, playing his part of the everyman to his best. The few moments of humor are honest, in other words—work of the script and the drama playing naturally. For those who choose to be a part of this not-quite-escapist fantasy, there's a lot of heart, a lot of truth, and maybe a lot to learn.

9 out of 10.

Enchanted (2007)

Someone must have slipped something into my burrito this evening. As much a cynic as I am, as awful as the promotion of this movie was, and as contrite the plot devices throughout the film are, Enchanted still managed to be pure magic. How can this be? It starts by not sugar-coating the real world side of things. The vision of New York is certainly edited for a PG rating, but what's shown is pretty much as-is, and is sometimes quite brave for a family film. The satirically savvy script, while fairly predictable all the way through, still manages to throw a few smart curve balls while keeping the characters in tight focus. The gags never overpower the story, which is always a good thing. Likewise, the cast is solid from top to bottom. But I think it all winds down to Amy Adams as the ridiculously naive, eternally perky, and stunningly earnest Giselle. The entire movie rests on her performance, and Adams throws herself against it with a level of bravery and unabashed gusto not seen since Johnny Depp first put on a pirate's hat. There's really no reason why a film about cartoon contrivance running headlong into real world weariness should have been anything but another forgettable piece of family film fluff. Somehow Adams and crew managed the hat trick and put out one of the best Disney films in a decade. Happily ever after? You bet!

9 out of 10.

Elizabeth (1998)

Part political thriller, part coming-of-age tale, and part costume drama, this film manages the near insurmountable task of making 16th century British politics interesting, if not absolutely enthralling. Depicting the Lady Elizabeth's ascension to royalty through her early period of rule, the narrative has all the twists, turns, and conspiracies of a mafia movie. Of course, if history somehow is made this fascinating, the natural concern is whether or not it's an accurate portrayal of the period. I am not qualified to say for certain, though given how well it all flows together I would say it should be taken with a grain of salt. That said, as a movie, as entrainment, and probably as a whiff of life during the times it is hard to argue with how deftly it keeps your attention. Nothing here breaks character, and very little is over the top. It cements with a sense of beauty, pageantry and British stoicism that is extremely satisfying. What it may lack in truth, it makes up for in everything else.

9 out of 10.

Elizabeth: The Golden Age (2007)

While the first Elizabeth was a triumphant telling of the early days of arguably history's greatest woman, this is more like a depiction of her sophomore slump. Oh sure England had some great success during these days but the presence of the Lady herself, at least as it is presented here, is almost incidental. In short, a lot of events happen around her, but rarely if ever to her. In the process, much of the character and deeply personal nature gets left where the first film ended. What's here is mostly pleasant pageantry, regal melodrama, and the occasional bloodbath. It still looks great, it's still very well acted, but it lacks the cleverness and captivating nature of the first, instead settling on being merely interesting. The film is still decent, but after the miracle concoction of the first you can't help but feel a bit let down.

6 out of 10.

Eastern Promises (2007)

Director David Cronenberg knocks it out of the park with this one. What The Godfather did for the Sicilian mafia, Eastern Promises does for the Russian mob, and succeeds almost as well in about half the run time. Stephen Knight's screenplay is a wonderfully complex puzzle box of mixed and ever-changing alliances and games of superiority through intimidation. The result is a fanatically character-driven and methodical plot that isn't afraid to be frightening or difficult. Meanwhile the acting brings the story to life with painstaking fluidity and detail. Every performance in the film is perfection. Toss in the natural kinks that director David Cronenberg naturally brings to any project, and you've got a meal fit for a king. Really, it's extraordinary filmmaking, unapologetically brutal and complicated, intimidating and powerful. It is a mafia masterpiece.

10 out of 10.

The 11th Hour (2007)

Charitably, this could be called 'An Inconvenient Truth 2: Inconvenient Harder,' but I don't even think it rates quite that good. The problem with this film isn't necessarily of filmcraft, it's a decently made documentary. It's that we've seen it before, and done better and more persuasively. Basically here we have Leo Dicaprio showing us a laundry list of independent sources telling us what we “obviously think” about issues relating to renewable resources and global climate change. I don't have a problem with the argument being made to save the planet—I agree with their assertion that something needs to be done—it's just that there's very little persuasion going on, and a whole lot of assumptions. It preaches to the choir. All that said, it's a good film, and if you're already of the mindset this movie tries to assume you are, then you'll find a nice supplement to that other Inconvenient movie out there.

6 out of 10.

Evan Almighty (2007)

Even having gotten in free, I wanted my money back. Sanctimonious, pseudo-Christian-tailored-to-be-market -friendly BS from start to finish. At least it looks like Sykes and Carell were having a good time. Everyone else was on auto-pilot, including Morgan Freeman cashing in a check as God. This movie would've been a lot better if everyone had drowned like the trailer promised they would.

2 out of 10.

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