JCVD (2008)

Jean-Claude Van Damme, the muscles from Brussels, is a washed up actor who's hard up for cash and credibility. Then he gets involved in a bank robbery. There's a strange thing going on in this mostly-French language film. With Jean-Claude playing himself, the fourth wall is but a plot device, and in fashion similar to Being John Malkovich there's the sense that the things going on behind the scenes are as important as the on-screen result. Van Damme seems to be trying to reinvent himself with this film, repositioning himself with a mea culpa for his reputation, and the result is surprising and compelling. Sadly, the same cannot be said for most of the remainder of the film, which is a largely standard trip through the genre. There's nothing particularly bad about the story being told, just that it doesn't really stand out. Yet still, there's a nugget here from Van Damme, a genuine showing that there's more to things than what usually makes the cut. While the film itself may not be much, there is still something honest to be appreciated.

6 out of 10.

Commando (1985)

As we all know, once upon a time Arnold Schwarzenegger was freaking huge, and every film he was in throughout the 80s and early 90s was built specifically to highlight that fact. Here we're introduced to him carrying a chainsaw and a tree over his shoulder, because being a half ton of solid badass somehow wasn't manly enough on its own. Soon after, his daughter is kidnapped by a third world military junta. Daring feats of improbable, ultra-macho manliness ensue. If disposable eighties cheese and gigantic guns being emptied into faceless bad guys are your thing, then you'll be in heaven from start to finish. This movie is what it is though: a one-off sequence featuring continuously rising body count. As far as these types of films go it's more archetypal than actually good. It laid groundwork for dozens of films to follow, but on the whole it simply doesn't have a lot going for it on its own. If you can turn your brain completely to “off”, then you may welcome the hair this film puts on your chest. Otherwise it's probably better to move on to bigger, more preposterously manly fare.

6 out of 10.

American History X (1998)

Obvious message about racism is obvious. Between the heavy-handed slow-motion, and an overbearing score that's as subtle as a sledgehammer set on fire, this is a film that is so in service to its message that it nearly forgets about filmcraft. It's not that that message isn't worth hearing, or is any less relevant today than it was when the film was made, it's just that being beat over the head with one extreme after another has a way of disengaging the people who need to hear it. Still, taken for the heavy-handed monster that it is there is still some merit here. Seeing an ex neo-Nazi try to keep his little brother from following in his footsteps is a good opening salvo in the discussion, but ultimately the movie itself only ever feels like just that: an opening salvo in the discussion.

6 out of 10.
Might take some heat for this one...

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)

Here, I'll make this simple: did you grow up playing videogames? Then you need to see this. Look, I won't lie: headlining star Michael Cera, playing his usual awkward, irrepressibly repetitive, lovable scamp self, is overexposed to the point of being obnoxious. At this point it's a given. What I'm saying is to get over it just this once. He's not the reason to see this movie. This is one about the presentation, the story that flies by at 200kph splashing geek humor all over everything, for seeing life bars and power-ups become character beats, and for seeing the gamer audience as more than a bunch of closeted dweebs living in their parents' basements. It's for anyone who's ever chased a high score, fought a dragon, or saved a world in their spare time with their spare quarters. Is it perfect? Certainly not. Seeing Mr. Pilgrim battle Ramona's seven evil ex-boyfriends does get a little long in the tooth, as almost every fight at least starts out identically, and often even ends the same way. But it's the moments in-between the kung-fu: the sly winks to a knowing audience, the solid delivery of joke after joke after joke, and the pervasive use of the soundtrack from Zelda: A Link to the Past, that keep things levelling up. Sure, if you didn't grow up with these influences, you'll either be lost or bored or just not see what the big deal is. Yet for those of us sitting pretty in the target audience, this is finally a movie that understands.

9 out of 10 (if you played a lot of games as a kid; otherwise 7)

The Expendables (2010)

Did you like the 80s? Did you like watching Arnold and Bruce and Sly kick ass and be macho? If the answer to both of these questions is yes, then you should probably see this. Otherwise, this ultra manly man-love letter to the action movies of yesteryear might fly right past you. Oh yes, it's all back: giant plot holes you can drive a truck through, high bodycount shootouts that erupt from nowhere, gigantic (albeit older) muscles flexing while being splashed with their enemies' blood, and long winded descriptions of how awesome a guy's weapon of choice is. Sure they added some of the newer faces in the genre, and sure a bit of CG enhanced carnage splatters its way onscreen, but this is about a simple-minded as you remember it. That includes some of the bad, too: the acting fails to live up to its camp potential, and the action sequences are nonsensical and comically violent. If films like Commando were your thing back in the day, you'll get a grin out of this.

6 out of 10.

Once Upon a Time in America (1984)

Grand and lavish, Sergio Leone's final film has almost everything you could hope for. It is beautifully produced, perfectly paced, wonderfully acted, and expertly scored. It's a damn shame the final cut, and the uneven writing, cut the legs out from under it all. Robert De Nero and James Woods turn in career performances, pouring in all they have at their considerable disposal, and yet even at almost four hours the number of loose ends and awkward jumps in time undermine the incredible good will brought on by virtually everything else. Watching the brutal rise of a group of street punks grow into their own brand of organized crime is incredibly fascinating, but even when the film is at its height there is always a sense that so much more is being missed. Ultimately, too many threads are begun and built up over several hours, only to be abandoned with no closure. The characters at least get their own sense of resolution, but too much is left unsaid. The dour finale unfortunately comes off as awkward. And yet there is still more than enough here to grip, to celebrate. It takes a story far to big to be a movie in the first place to finally topple Leone, but while it falters it still does so with undeniable style and care. This is a masterpiece, but a fatally flawed one.

6 out of 10.

My Name Is Bruce (2007)

Unfortunately, this is probably about as close as Bruce Campbell will ever get to doing another Evil Dead. Pity too, as this film definitely shows he still has the badass side of that character in him. Here Bruce Campbell directs Bruce Campbell playing Bruce Campbell, kidnapped by a devoted fan to do battle an ancient demon unleashed in a small mining town. It's a B-movie with an oversized B, filled with loving fan-service and covered in a thick layer of good natured cheese. It's a film for Campbell's fans, featuring bits plucked from all his best stuff, wrapped in the attitude of Army of Darkness, and stuffed with self-parody. If you have a hearty respect for Campell's more egomaniacal characters, there's a lot to enjoy here. If you don't already have some love for the man with the infinite chin, this might not be your cup of tea.

6 out of 10.

National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1 (1993)

Were it not for Samuel L. Jackson's uncanny ability to give gravitas to just about everything he says, the vast majority of this film would be a wash. As one of the last legitimately notable National Lampoon films before they sunk into remaking the same sex-comedy over and over again, Loaded Weapon offers up a fair number of laughs. Each little bit of it does it's dead-level best to bring in that same level of Zucker Brothers zaniness, with a lot of whiplash inducing slapstick. Sometimes it works. The casting is laid on nice and thick too, with everyone from Corey Feldman to William Shatner eating some screentime. But it all comes back to Jackson, and his flavor of deadpan that's hard not to mistake for something far more serious. It isn't anything anyone will mistake for a classic, but for a bit of low-rent screwball comedy, you could do much worse.

6 out of 10.

The Men Who Stare At Goats (2009)

Military psychics and a stable full of farm animals, together at last! There's a weird kind of wonder going on in this film. Seeing Jeff Daniels as a hippie military commander akin to The Big Lebowski's The Dude boss around an amusingly addled George Clooney has a charm all its own. Toss Kevin Spacey into the mix and suddenly the movie has a certain kind of affable charisma that's hard to resist. Shame, then, that the final act is such a mess. Still, rolling around in the desert as Obi-Wan Kenobi himself, Ewan McGregor, tries to uncover the truth behind these military “Jedi Warriors” is just good fun and good laughs. It may fall apart at the end, but what is here is enough to be a worthwhile day trip into the psychedelic.

6 out of 10.

Primer (2004)

Watching this film is a bit like squeezing your brain through a cheese grater: by the end you're divided across several individual opinions, and most of them aren't quite sure what just happened. There's a tearing point near the halfway mark where the possibilities ramp up so dramatically, like tossing an extra zero on the end of an exponential number, that most people will lose track entirely. I did. This workman-like tale of garage physicists cooking up a plan to break physics entirely, and the ramifications thereof, becomes too heady to follow. But there's a certain freedom here—being outsmarted by a movie—that can be fun and interesting. When you consider the possibilities, and you will, there's a sense of awe. That the film is nearly impossible to follow works to its advantage. As far as indie films go there aren't many that at least feel smarter, but then there are many others that make better sense.

6 out of 10.

Defiance (2008)

At this point, it's probably safe to say that World War II has more cinematic coverage than all the masses of fantasy wars combined. And yet, there are still a few untold stories out there that stand apart from the myriad gung-ho, war is hell majority. In this case we have the tale of two brothers, both Jews on the run from the SS, slowly building a home and society for themselves and other refuges in the woods of Belorussia. Schindler's List by way of Walden. And for the most part it attempts to tug on the right strings, showing the heartbreak and bleak reality of the struggle. Where the film's failings lie, unfortunately, is in how familiar most of the stories here feel. At every turn is another character or situation that feels liberally borrowed from other, better films. The whole comes off very predictable, with little deviation from expectation. Ultimately, it lacks danger and desperation. There is certainly merit and interest in the remarkable true story being told, but as a movie there just isn't much you haven't seen before.

6 out of 10.

Brüno (2009)

Sacha Baron Cohen is easily one of the bravest performers in entertainment. He creates these incredibly convincing characters, says outrageously offensive things to large groups of people, and does it all without even so much of a wink to let the others on. Much like Borat before it, this outing sees Cohen speaking to senators, celebrities and random passerby, prodding then with wildly inappropriate questions and situations, and smartly skewering them to their face. It's cringeworthy stuff, but still remains impressively daring given the reactions he gets, and the people he talks to. The problems with this film, however, have a lot to do with the success of Borat, the most basic of which is that the character of Bruno is not nearly as likeable or endearing. Where Borat was naïve and shy, Bruno is arrogant and outlandish. At the same time it seems that more people were in on the joke this time, leading to more segments feeling either staged or at the very least insincere. The greater emphasis on trying to tell a story doesn't help things either. There are still specks of brilliance scattered throughout, but on the whole this just doesn't have the same caustic chemistry that the first had. Taken in full it's still funny, but not hilarious.

6 out of 10.

Batman: Gotham Knight (2008)

With Christopher Nolan's triumphant revival of the Batman mythos, any attempt to add to the legend will inevitably be compared. Gotham Knight consists of six short, anime-style stories built around Nolan's films, but the link between the shorts and the films is so slim as to be irksome. Rather, these more closely resemble severely shortened episodes of the ongoing cartoon series. It doesn't help that the whole thing starts off on an extended weak note. The first two films are fairly disposable, nothing special. The third is decent. It isn't until the half-way mark that anything resembling real content starts to show up, but by the last short there's not a lot of quality left. The lasting impression is one of being underwhelmed. There are impressive moments, specifically the fourth and fifth stories, but as a whole there's just nothing here that can stack up to the real thing. If you're a diehard who just has to have as much Batman as is out there, go knock yourself out. Otherwise this is definitely not required viewing.

6 out of 10.

Wanted (2008)

You can curve a bullet, but apparently not a character arc. Basically the film is Shoot 'Em Up, this time starring Angelina Jolie's Oscar-winning posterior. And the guy from Last King of Scotland. There are enough serious issues with this movie, structurally, that it's kind of hard to believe it winds up a positive experience overall. The entire first act is a flop, as we hear a whiny cubicle-biscuit narrate a miserable life, abused by his girlfriend and his boss, and basically do anything to avoid a fight. Then suddenly the movie abandons all logic and goes hellbound into one crazy action scene after another, slowly turning the whiner into a hardened killer. It's in this second act that the movie finds its footing, and it certainly leaves an impression. Each firefight defies physics in new and creative ways. There's no logic here, just the pure adrenalin kick of seeing the outrageously impossible. By the time the third act abruptly assassinates the second, the movie has so much forward momentum that it barely matters how the script has jumped completely off the rails. In the right frame of mind, the bullet-ballet on show here can be a thing of beauty, but anyone looking for more than the that is best advised to keep on walking.

6 out of 10.

Night Watch (2004)

Also known as Nochnoy Dozor.
Here's a film so absolutely bursting with story ideas that the entire thing feels like one big setup for the sequel. Thankfully, it's also bursting with visual ideas, so if nothing else you get a eye full of impressive effects concepts. The story's central conceit about a shaky truce between conflicting sides of blood-drinking supermen (not necessarily vampires, though there are some here) is needlessly elaborate and told in such a way that feels both obtuse and pointlessly obscure. It still all makes sense when you look back at it, but getting to that point can be a chore. Couple that with a poorly explained set of apparently complex rules for the truce itself, and all you'll get here is a headache. But the visual side of this tale is remarkably inventive, enough so that the film is mostly redeemed. There are some really nifty effects sequences and action bits in place, and even some really cool ways to depict some of the more mundane details. The rest ranges from inoffensive to strangely spastic, such as the jarring editing that manages to keep a consistent pace despite itself. Calling it style-over-substance isn't quite accurate, since there's plenty of substance going on, but the style is just much more compelling. Either way it's an interesting, if troubled, ride.

6 out of 10.

Rambo (2008)

Man, they don't make them like this anymore! The minute the film starts it's like being back in the mid-80s, with all the good and bad that goes with it. The bad guys are all mustache twirlingly evil, and the people in jeopardy are literally a bunch of white bread, Colorado based, Christian all-American, naively idealistic missionaries complete with a token hot blond. Stallone is there too, or at least what's left of him. It certainly sounds like him—every time he tells someone to “go home,” it sounds like “ghoom.” But you don't watch Rambo for introspective commentary or warrior-philosophy, at least not beyond the 1982 original; you're here for the action, and it's here that this film delivers. Soon as the safety's off it's an absolute bloodbath. Flying body parts, people shot in half, and even a few gruesome scenes of land mine death all add up to a massive 236 on screen deaths (according to film writer John Mueller). While it's ridiculously obvious where the film's priorities are, there's still something to be said for putting on a show consisting of one unforgiving massacre after another. Between the action sequences you'll be checking your watch, but when the bullets start flying I dare you to be bored.

6 out of 10.

Death Sentence (2007)

Perhaps the lesson here is that anyone can become an expert killer. Family man Kevin Bacon starts out fumbling his way through revenge-murder but by the end he seems pretty damn good at it. Fact is, you've seen this movie before, be it Death Wish or The Brave One, so your tolerance for this film mostly hinges on how much you're into justifiable homicide. To be fair, Bacon's bloodstained white collar persona has a decent evolution to it, and his opposition in the form of an unrecognizable Garrett Hedlund is appropriately slimey, though it's really John Goodman as the foulmouthed weapons-and-drugs dealer who leaves the biggest impression. The rest is a lot of white noise interspersed with the occasionally good-to-great scene, including an impressive and exhausting chase sequence. If nothing else it shows that original Saw director James Wan's filmcraft skills are improving. It's nothing special, but if you need a quick fix of violence then you could do much worse.

6 out of 10.

The Bucket List (2007)

Bring tissues. Honestly, I'm not sure what's here to spoil: it's a movie about two terminal geriatrics trying to go out for one last blast, and it's made well enough that you care about them. So basically it's very predictable, and the entire experience is like facing inevitability. That's not so bad really, and neither is the film. Freeman and Nicholson have great chemistry together, the supporting cast is strong, the jokes are funny and the sappy bits are appropriately touching. It's a good movie, but it's not a great one. While it's fun to watch, there's little if anything here that really stands out or makes it unique in any discernible way. This is a standard-issue slice-of-life drama with an exceptional cast and a predictable plot and while it could easily get lost in a crowd, there's really nothing wrong with that.

6 out of 10.

The Hoax (2007)

Had 2004's The Aviator not been made, would yet another movie whose antics center around Howard Hughes have been greenlit? With The Hoax, we get Richard Gere and Alfred Molina as real life authors Clifford Irving and Dick Suskind as they try to manipulate their way into publishing a biography about the eccentric and reclusive billionaire, but along the way the film seems to lose itself in its own lies and obscured truths. By that I mean precisely the self-defeating confusion that the characters experience also occurs to the film. In trying to adapt Clifford Irving's autobiographical book to the screen, important details seem lost or poorly elaborated on. I expect that if you were around and paying attention when a lot of this was actually happening you'll get a lot more out of it, but the rest might be left scratching their heads on a few bits. Still, Gere and Molina do a fun job portraying their grand-scale con. While it never pays off the way it feels like it should, there's little to directly poke holes in. If you know the story then chances are you'll be intrigued; if not it could go either way for you.

6 out of 10.

Rescue Dawn (2007)

Mixing elements of The Great Escape and Platoon, this is a Viet Nam War flick that never really finds its footing but is interesting nonetheless. While it gets its setting and story from the experiences of real life war pilot Dieter Dengler, there are simple missteps in both plausibility and characterization. Christian Bale plays Dengler with such air-headed bravado that it's difficult to gain any sympathy for his exceptional plight beyond the general disgust Viet Cong torture merits. His plausibility is constantly chipped away due to his never-ending supply of brash optimism. Meanwhile the supporting pile of fellow castaways are all varying combinations of Stockholm Syndrome and dysentery, played either with broad character strokes or no personality at all. The second half is fairly dramatic however, though still a bit scatter shot. All told this is a take-it-or-leave-it film. If you're interested in the struggles of POWs it's worth a cursory inspection, but past that there isn't a lot worth going out of your way for.

6 out of 10.