Mission: Impossible -- Ghost Protocol (2011)

Not many films dare to put the em dash in their title. Behind the slick, hyper-modern, Apple Computer veneer, this is sort of a throwback to a time before gritty and real and visceral (but still PG-13) were major buzzwords in tentpole action films. Tom Cruise leads a group of character archetypes through a massive conspiracy to stop a nuclear war. It's so strangely safe a plot that it has to be a race against the end of the world itself. But then, the story isn't the point; these are films about high tech, high tension set piece moments and action sequences with nearly unlimited budgets, and this is where the film largely delivers. First time live action director Brad Bird (yep, the guy who made Iron Giant and The Incredibles) is able to bring more than a few pulses of exceptionally nimble choreography, ranging from rousing and novel chases to a surprising number of quiet, clever, and subdued sleights of hand. The ragtag group of misfits chosen to save the world all find a great chemistry among the chaos, with each member given several chances to really shine and be featured. It's a movie absolutely overflowing with ideas to excite even as several of the story reveals fall flat. There's a sheer confidence to its goofy stride that, while it's certainly several notches over the top, it still manages to remain unpredictable and, best of all, damn entertaining.

8 out of 10.

JCVD (2008)

Jean-Claude Van Damme, the muscles from Brussels, is a washed up actor who's hard up for cash and credibility. Then he gets involved in a bank robbery. There's a strange thing going on in this mostly-French language film. With Jean-Claude playing himself, the fourth wall is but a plot device, and in fashion similar to Being John Malkovich there's the sense that the things going on behind the scenes are as important as the on-screen result. Van Damme seems to be trying to reinvent himself with this film, repositioning himself with a mea culpa for his reputation, and the result is surprising and compelling. Sadly, the same cannot be said for most of the remainder of the film, which is a largely standard trip through the genre. There's nothing particularly bad about the story being told, just that it doesn't really stand out. Yet still, there's a nugget here from Van Damme, a genuine showing that there's more to things than what usually makes the cut. While the film itself may not be much, there is still something honest to be appreciated.

6 out of 10.

Black Dynamite (2009)

Blaxploitation has to be a tough genre to revive in these over-sensitive times. For all the cheek we get out of other exploitation genres, it's hard not to cringe at the idea of making a film that “exploits” a racial culture. But then a riotous throwback like this comes along and you remember to ask “who cares as long as it's fun?” This film is as much about culture as Airplane! is about aviation. What this winds up being is a solid ninety minutes of smartly foul, hysterically absurd humor, poking fun at all the Blaxploitation tropes, from the sassy women to the giant afros to the ever-present fight against The Man. It's all here and it's all gloriously cheesy. Nunchucks are swung, asses are kicked, and fourth walls are broken, and by the end it's all a warm glow of fantastically trashy humor.

8 out of 10.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009)

Somewhere along the way, the metaphor was completely lost. The stories in the X-Men comics and films have always been about persecution, alienation, and a thinly-disguised story about civil rights. This film isn't about anything, other than two hours you'll be happy to hang on to. It fails at almost every possible level. As cannon for the long-running X-Men series, it sabotages key relationships and white-washes plotlines. As an action-thriller it fails to be exciting or thrilling, instead plowing through one set of remarkably dull explosions after another, all of which are set up in ways that defy the film series's more grounded sense of continuity. As a chance to see some upper-tier celebrities have fun onscreen it seems like only Ryan Reynolds was able to squeeze out any personality, while everyone else simply can't push their talent through the awful script. Even as a showcase for big-budget special effects it flops, with more than a few moments of obvious matte lines, miscalibrated green screen effects, and generally poor integration throughout. It's sad to see the series brought to this. It used to have a message, it used to be about characters, and it used to at least be fun to watch. This is just boring, filler white-noise. Don't bother.

2 out of 10.

Soldier (1998)

There is a reason why the “hardened killing machine defends adorable children” genre died out, and this is as good an example as any. Supposedly taking place in the same universe as the film Blade Runner, we're introduced to an infant being raised to be an unstoppable terminator, who is then rendered obsolete right about the time he starts looking like an over-the-hill Kurt Russell. Maybe then he'll learn to love and care for people instead of ripping out their throats, teaching children valuable life lessons and helping a community of refuges squeak out a living. It's exactly as cheesy and stupid as it sounds, and worse yet it doesn't even have any badass action bits or good explosions to soften the blow. This is as by the numbers as these films can get, and aside from a halfway decent turn by an almost completely silent Russell offers nothing notable. Skip it, move on. Blade Runner's universe doesn't need this.

3 out of 10.

Commando (1985)

As we all know, once upon a time Arnold Schwarzenegger was freaking huge, and every film he was in throughout the 80s and early 90s was built specifically to highlight that fact. Here we're introduced to him carrying a chainsaw and a tree over his shoulder, because being a half ton of solid badass somehow wasn't manly enough on its own. Soon after, his daughter is kidnapped by a third world military junta. Daring feats of improbable, ultra-macho manliness ensue. If disposable eighties cheese and gigantic guns being emptied into faceless bad guys are your thing, then you'll be in heaven from start to finish. This movie is what it is though: a one-off sequence featuring continuously rising body count. As far as these types of films go it's more archetypal than actually good. It laid groundwork for dozens of films to follow, but on the whole it simply doesn't have a lot going for it on its own. If you can turn your brain completely to “off”, then you may welcome the hair this film puts on your chest. Otherwise it's probably better to move on to bigger, more preposterously manly fare.

6 out of 10.

Iron Man 2 (2010)

While the first sailed by on a whip-smart script and a stellar performance by Robert Downey Jr., part 2 swings by on upped production values and a larger focus on things that aren't the metal man himself. It's a different approach that pays off in a completely different way, but it may bug you depending on what it was about the first that you enjoyed. Like any sequel, the budget is bigger and the cast flashier. There are more things to distract from genuine character building, and in some ways it seems drunk on its own success (at least one subplot could have been cut entirely without hurting the film). But the switch-up lets there be more variety. The moments with the stars have less to say, but feel more special for their rarity. The action sequences are bigger in scope and impact, and better integrated into the story. The new characters all fit in fairly well with the old. The most damning thing to say about the film is that it only does what the first did, but bigger. Yet still, that works for what is only meant to be fun and funny. By the end, less may feel accomplished, but it's a more impressive ride regardless.

8 out of 10.

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)

Here, I'll make this simple: did you grow up playing videogames? Then you need to see this. Look, I won't lie: headlining star Michael Cera, playing his usual awkward, irrepressibly repetitive, lovable scamp self, is overexposed to the point of being obnoxious. At this point it's a given. What I'm saying is to get over it just this once. He's not the reason to see this movie. This is one about the presentation, the story that flies by at 200kph splashing geek humor all over everything, for seeing life bars and power-ups become character beats, and for seeing the gamer audience as more than a bunch of closeted dweebs living in their parents' basements. It's for anyone who's ever chased a high score, fought a dragon, or saved a world in their spare time with their spare quarters. Is it perfect? Certainly not. Seeing Mr. Pilgrim battle Ramona's seven evil ex-boyfriends does get a little long in the tooth, as almost every fight at least starts out identically, and often even ends the same way. But it's the moments in-between the kung-fu: the sly winks to a knowing audience, the solid delivery of joke after joke after joke, and the pervasive use of the soundtrack from Zelda: A Link to the Past, that keep things levelling up. Sure, if you didn't grow up with these influences, you'll either be lost or bored or just not see what the big deal is. Yet for those of us sitting pretty in the target audience, this is finally a movie that understands.

9 out of 10 (if you played a lot of games as a kid; otherwise 7)

Kick-Ass (2010)

Start with a goofy tale about an awkward, comics-obsessed teenager deciding to run out in brightly colored tights with a mission to save the world, toss in a mob plot, and a foulmouthed father/daughter crime-fighting duo. Stick it in a blender for two hours and out comes this weirdly lovable ultra-violent mess of a movie. Almost nothing here is by the numbers—the combat is bloody, the language extra salty, and the heroes aren't really that heroic. Unlike other comic adaptations, there isn't any overarching message, or a direct source to be ripping on, this is just a straight up violent popcorn-muncher. Largely this works. The momentum and build-up are spot on, the twists mostly obvious and fun, and the drama is light and breezy with just a slight edge to keep you invested. This isn't a grand filmmaking, merely some good, dirty amusement.

8 out of 10.

The Expendables (2010)

Did you like the 80s? Did you like watching Arnold and Bruce and Sly kick ass and be macho? If the answer to both of these questions is yes, then you should probably see this. Otherwise, this ultra manly man-love letter to the action movies of yesteryear might fly right past you. Oh yes, it's all back: giant plot holes you can drive a truck through, high bodycount shootouts that erupt from nowhere, gigantic (albeit older) muscles flexing while being splashed with their enemies' blood, and long winded descriptions of how awesome a guy's weapon of choice is. Sure they added some of the newer faces in the genre, and sure a bit of CG enhanced carnage splatters its way onscreen, but this is about a simple-minded as you remember it. That includes some of the bad, too: the acting fails to live up to its camp potential, and the action sequences are nonsensical and comically violent. If films like Commando were your thing back in the day, you'll get a grin out of this.

6 out of 10.

Inception (2010)

So few directors can orchestrate a mystery better than Christopher Nolan. Hot off of The Dark Knight, Nolen gives us an opus of a passion project, a film so cleverly intricate and expertly executed that there is little left to do in the end but marvel. At its core it is simply a grand heist movie, but when the goods are stored in a person's subconscious things start to get tricky. And surreal. Very surreal. What plays out is an incredibly labyrinthine story accented with mind-bending, well, mind-bending. It's unbelievably fascinating and expertly crafted. The sheer scale and breadth of thought that goes into some key sequences is enough to fill the imagination. Yet there Nolan is, confidently pushing along, and making the most complex of concepts sing and dance and comfortably layer on top of themselves. It's a total trip on a scale not seen since The Matrix. The only downside is that you'll spend so much of your brain coming to grips with its crazy ideas that the emotional side of the story has trouble staying potent. But for a film to fill the head with so very much, and successfully nudge the audience along down such a winding road, the few tiny flaws can easily be forgiven.

9 out of 10.

Sherlock Holmes (2009)

Director Guy Ritchie may have outgrown making stylish gangster flicks, but his talent for creatively smashing his way through British culture is very much alive and intact. Taking the grandfather of all super-detectives and giving him a heaping dose of modern cynicism may not do anything for purists of character continuity, but it makes something damn entertaining regardless. That it's the professional motormouth himself, Robert Downey Jr., as the man himself just makes things all the more fun. Meanwhile Ritchie's hyper detailed editing style lends itself perfectly to such a meticulous character. Series purists will of course lament the loss of his cocaine addiction and implications of invisible friends, or that he's more of a man of action than a dour riddle-solver. But this is a film that is aiming for pure, breezy, popcorn-munching entertainment, carefree and pleasantly complicated. About the only real knock against this film are the almost universally terrible CG effects. If you can get past that little tweak, and don't mind a few character liberties, there's very little to dislike in this hyperactive reimagining.

8 out of 10.

Tombstone (1993)

Westerns tend to fall into two camps. Either they present a difficult message about the morality of a time gone by, wistful recollections of lives and loves lost and a country that still had some mystery to it. Or they are simply about the a bunch of the manliest men doing the manliest thing a man could do in the manly Wild West: killing folk with six-shooters. Unfortunately, this falls into the later category. That doesn't mean it's a bad film, per se, but if you're going to show off famed lawman Wyatt Earp's handiwork at the O.K. Corral, it seems a waste that the lasting impression the movie tries to shove around is “look how awesome this was!” Still, the frontier town vibe, the optimistic, if simplistic, motives of everyone involved, and the presence of some of the most impressive facial hair in cinema history make this worthwhile if you're after a solid no frills western. Watching Val Kilmer chew on scenery as Doc Holiday for two hours is worth the price of admission alone. While it seems hard not to knock the film for what it ain't, what it is is generally pretty good.

7 out of 10.

Big Trouble in Little China (1986)

When you get the right people in front of the right director with the right script, and then have them all pump out just the right kind of terrible, the result can be brilliant fun. This is not a good movie, but it is a damn entertaining one. The script is almost entirely made up of unceasing and pointless amounts of exposition while the acting wavers between bad and hilariously bad. And yet, it doesn't matter. John Carpenter's show about a truck driver battling an ancient Chinese sorcerer carves out a piece of work so bizarre, so knowingly off-kilter, that it all turns pleasantly surreal. Of course it doesn't hurt that the sets and effects are pretty great across the board. If you like your movies cheesy, your language salty, and your exposition extra exposition-y, there's a lot to love here.

7 out of 10.

Body of Lies (2008)

Although his visual sense has only grown with age, the same cannot be said of director Ridley Scott's consistency. This twisting tale of a pair of CIA agents butting heads over anti-terrorist operations in the middle-east is big on visual punch, but is too self-important to settle comfortably. Difficult names with complicated alliances are thrown around casually, and in ten minutes all the thinking committed to sorting out where they fit in the story is rendered irrelevant as they either die, or some difficult revelation switches up the playing field. Its eye candy is opulent throughout, but it lacks a pace slow enough to be understood or, sadly, cared about. By the time it's over and done there's no great message, no single “wow” moment, no lasting flavor. It's not a waste of time, but neither is it a particular good use of time either. But it sure looks good.

5 out of 10.

The Machine Girl (2008)

Also known as Kataude mashin gâru.
Any movie that plays the opening credits over a gang of highschool bullies being graphically dismantled by heavy munitions is bound to raise a few eyebrows. A fire hose-powered geyser of blood later, and this gruesome slab of modern grindhouse is off and running. Campy and violent in equally extreme measures, the sense of pure exuberant mania on display is infectious. Japanese entertainment has a history of throwing all sense out the window and yet still seeming logistically sound, but there's also spark of good old American cheddar thrown in for good measure. The result is simultaneously awesome and terrible and hilarious and utterly drenched in red. If you're in the mood for a grin and a bloodbath, this is definitely one to see.

7 out of 10.

Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind (Manga Series 1982 - 1994)

Also known as Kaze no Tani no Naushika.
When I wrote my review of the film I pointed out how I felt the narrative felt truncated and rushed. The truth is that no matter how large the fringes of the film's world may have seemed, they are nothing compared with the absolutely massive scope and story told in this manga series. It's still the same basic premise, showing a determined princess trying to end the wars between last tribes of humanity while a toxic jungle closes in around them, but here the scale of the conflict is escalated a hundred-fold. Massive battles sweep across the landscape, cultures and religions are touched on and detailed and irrevocably shifted, while the world itself, deadly and unmerciful, swallows up entire nations. Through it all, Miyazaki's impeccable sense of pace comes through on the page, and his iconic character art is filled with wonder and with horror. It's a darker piece than much of his other work, but so much is said and seen and done over the course of it all that there is little room for anything less than awe. Perhaps the only legitimate complaint is how the black and white drawings are sometimes difficult to follow, leading to minor confusion from time to time. Even so, the result is utterly biblical in scope and ambition, and though it falters at moments, it is nonetheless a staggering accomplishment.

9 out of 10.

Die Hard (1988)

When all is said and done, this is still just a typical 80s shoot-em-up. It just so happens to be possibly the best 80s action shoot-em-up. Watching Bruce Willis sneak around a terrorist-filled office building is a case study in how to make a great action film. The setting is mundane enough to be believable yet handled with a sense of geographical complexity that is always interesting, the villains are appropriately menacing and cut-throat, and our hero is a down to earth cop with terrible one-liners and an ever increasing number of cuts and bruises. All the tools are there, and director John McTiernan comes out in force to make full use of them, giving each scene an effortless sense of suspense and purpose. For every bit of cheesy action excess to come out of the 80s, this is one for the decade to be proud of.

9 out of 10.

Die Hard 2 (1990)

Replacing terrorists in a nearly deserted office complex for terrorists in an airport in the middle of the holidays does wonders for the scale of the film, but sticking Bruce Willis' every-cop into the middle of such grandiose spectacle only seems to drive home just how perfectly restrained the first film was. Willis is just as strong as before, but the situation he's in is just too much to swallow. Worse still is how it tries to ape the first's sense of place and improvised geography. Yet despite that, there's still a bit of charm to be had. There's nothing wrong with the script itself, and the shootouts are both plentiful and exciting. Even the drama holds together fairly well. It's just that when you stick such an affable everyman in the middle of a far bigger slice of impossible than before, things fall out of balance.

7 out of 10.

Die Hard With a Vengeance (1995)

Tearing New York City apart bit by bit has rarely been this much fun. The triumphant return of the original Die Hard's director, John McTeirnan, means a move away from the too-convenient plot devices of the second, and the added megabudget means he's is free to destroy as much of the city as necessary. It really is spectacular what the filmmakers are able to get away with in this movie, plowing through one location after another with little but wreckage left behind. This piece of cat-and-mouse features a terrorist with a personal ax to grind with every-cop John McClaine, but it's Samuel L. Jackson's role that really stands out. It's fantastic to see how well the concepts of the series hold up when expanded out to a full city instead of a single setting. While it may be a more straight-forward action thriller than the first, the sheer scope of escalation easily gives it solid footing among the best in the genre.

9 out of 10.