Mission: Impossible -- Ghost Protocol (2011)

Not many films dare to put the em dash in their title. Behind the slick, hyper-modern, Apple Computer veneer, this is sort of a throwback to a time before gritty and real and visceral (but still PG-13) were major buzzwords in tentpole action films. Tom Cruise leads a group of character archetypes through a massive conspiracy to stop a nuclear war. It's so strangely safe a plot that it has to be a race against the end of the world itself. But then, the story isn't the point; these are films about high tech, high tension set piece moments and action sequences with nearly unlimited budgets, and this is where the film largely delivers. First time live action director Brad Bird (yep, the guy who made Iron Giant and The Incredibles) is able to bring more than a few pulses of exceptionally nimble choreography, ranging from rousing and novel chases to a surprising number of quiet, clever, and subdued sleights of hand. The ragtag group of misfits chosen to save the world all find a great chemistry among the chaos, with each member given several chances to really shine and be featured. It's a movie absolutely overflowing with ideas to excite even as several of the story reveals fall flat. There's a sheer confidence to its goofy stride that, while it's certainly several notches over the top, it still manages to remain unpredictable and, best of all, damn entertaining.

8 out of 10.

Moonrise Kingdom (2012)

Wes Anderson films are sometimes a hard thing to judge. Sure they’re comedies, but they're often so deadpan it can be hard to tell. Is the film failing when it isn’t funny, or is it simply not trying to be funny at that moment? This approach works much better in some films than in others. This is one of those others. There are certainly moments in this quirky tale of a runaway boy scout, but they’re too few and too far between. In the meantime, we’re treated to some pleasantly bizarre camerawork, and intermittent appearances by the usual Wes-Anderson-film suspects spouting off the occasional one-liner or standing in a pleasantly preposterous setting. Generally, it works, but it’s missing something. The child-actors that make up the focus of the film are great as an ensemble but are very uneven when they’re off on their own, while the plot wanders with all the certainty of a child’s storybook. It’s served up with a wink, yet with little of the cleverness.

5 out of 10.

Prometheus (2012)

Let’s be clear: this is a film with problems, and some of them are pretty big. Yet the fact remains that they just don’t make sci-fi like this very often: grand and inquisitive, poking a big stick into bigger ideas and seeing what kind of horrifying monstrosity of an answer comes tumbling out. For the first half of the film, it’s almost as good as you want it to be. The setup is immediately compelling: an invitation to a faraway planet written on ancient cave walls across the world. We wonder what answers wait in the far reaches of space. This is a horror-thriller, however—wonder will soon give way to dread, and unfortunately once things inevitably start to go sideways the plot and pacing do the same. The second half is frankly a bit of a mess. Character motivations get lost in the shuffle, traumatic events pass with hardly a moment of reflection given to the victim, and developments that should be startling are met with a strange sense of apathy. Horror exists almost entirely on the premise of characters making poor decisions, but some of these are particularly cringe-worthy. And yet this is still a film worth seeing. For one: it’s absolutely gorgeous from start to finish, with barely a shot that is anything less than beautiful, even when it’s grotesque. For another: Michael Fassbender’s performance as the android David is absolutely riveting. And there are still those questions it’s keen on fiddling with, dangling like a carrot on a stick. This may not be a perfect film by a very long shot, but there’s more than enough here warrant recommending. Especially if you’re a fan of the Alien franchise.

7 out of 10.

Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009)

Simply put, this is as appropriately named as a movie could possibly be. Films by Wes Anderson can be a hard sell to some people—his penchant for darkly deadpan delivery means that it can sometimes be too easy to take him seriously. Not so here, as the mix of whimsical stop motion, smartly written kid-friendly tale, and infectiously low-key characters create a sense of unexpected calm amidst the considerable chaos. This is not a film that goes for the big laughs and the big excitement, but rather nudges itself along with a sly wink and a charming giggle. It is at times both pedestrian and ironic, while simultaneously being impossible and straight-forward. This is a very smart film, fully capable of instilling wonder in adults and knowing smiles in children. There is not quite enough drive to push this excellent movie into classic territory, but in almost every way this is a beautiful, thoughtful, delightful ride for anyone who likes their entertainment with a touch of subtlety.

9 out of 10.

JCVD (2008)

Jean-Claude Van Damme, the muscles from Brussels, is a washed up actor who's hard up for cash and credibility. Then he gets involved in a bank robbery. There's a strange thing going on in this mostly-French language film. With Jean-Claude playing himself, the fourth wall is but a plot device, and in fashion similar to Being John Malkovich there's the sense that the things going on behind the scenes are as important as the on-screen result. Van Damme seems to be trying to reinvent himself with this film, repositioning himself with a mea culpa for his reputation, and the result is surprising and compelling. Sadly, the same cannot be said for most of the remainder of the film, which is a largely standard trip through the genre. There's nothing particularly bad about the story being told, just that it doesn't really stand out. Yet still, there's a nugget here from Van Damme, a genuine showing that there's more to things than what usually makes the cut. While the film itself may not be much, there is still something honest to be appreciated.

6 out of 10.

The Box (2009)

Someone drops a box off at your door. Inside is a button. You are informed that if you press the button someone you do not know will die, and you will be given one million dollars. You have twenty-four hours to decide whether or not to push the button. And from that, things get weird. What starts out as a great bit of mental torture and suspense quickly gives way to an extended episode of The Twilight Zone with all the trimmings. Unfortunately, it's just about as cheesy too. There's some excellent weirdness going on in this movie, but while the scope of events from one reveal to the next is spot on, the sense of mystery doesn't quite follow suit. Lots of things change for the cooler, but it's hard to really care beyond curiosity. That's a shame too, because with a bit more love and a lot less runtime this could have been a perfect popcorn muncher. The same Richard Kelly that brought us the excellent Donnie Darko does a very good job capturing the vintage 70s television vibe throughout, but alas it just doesn't quite come together in a way that does its far-out ideas justice.

5 out of 10.

Black Dynamite (2009)

Blaxploitation has to be a tough genre to revive in these over-sensitive times. For all the cheek we get out of other exploitation genres, it's hard not to cringe at the idea of making a film that “exploits” a racial culture. But then a riotous throwback like this comes along and you remember to ask “who cares as long as it's fun?” This film is as much about culture as Airplane! is about aviation. What this winds up being is a solid ninety minutes of smartly foul, hysterically absurd humor, poking fun at all the Blaxploitation tropes, from the sassy women to the giant afros to the ever-present fight against The Man. It's all here and it's all gloriously cheesy. Nunchucks are swung, asses are kicked, and fourth walls are broken, and by the end it's all a warm glow of fantastically trashy humor.

8 out of 10.

Das Boot (1981)

As far as harrowing scenarios go, it's hard to picture worse than being trapped in a metal contraption hundreds of feet below the surface of the ocean with every pipe around you creaking under the pressure, and enemy ships passing by above you determined to see you drown. Try to forget for a moment that his is a film about Germans in World War II; just focus on the human drama on display. The result in unbelievably tense and thoroughly nerve wracking. There is rarely a dull moment in the film, as each passing boat or each life-threatening trial perfectly ups the ante. Being that it is film about the unrelentingly tight quarters of a German U-Boat, the atmosphere of cramped quarters is sold to perfection. If you are claustrophobic, you may want to give this one a pass It may not be perfect, largely thanks to some transparent production whenever the boat surfaces, and an ending that feels either contrived, or bluntly honest, but even with those caveats this film is a masterpiece of total suspense, and a fascinating peek at a nightmare situation for many people.

9 out of 10.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009)

Somewhere along the way, the metaphor was completely lost. The stories in the X-Men comics and films have always been about persecution, alienation, and a thinly-disguised story about civil rights. This film isn't about anything, other than two hours you'll be happy to hang on to. It fails at almost every possible level. As cannon for the long-running X-Men series, it sabotages key relationships and white-washes plotlines. As an action-thriller it fails to be exciting or thrilling, instead plowing through one set of remarkably dull explosions after another, all of which are set up in ways that defy the film series's more grounded sense of continuity. As a chance to see some upper-tier celebrities have fun onscreen it seems like only Ryan Reynolds was able to squeeze out any personality, while everyone else simply can't push their talent through the awful script. Even as a showcase for big-budget special effects it flops, with more than a few moments of obvious matte lines, miscalibrated green screen effects, and generally poor integration throughout. It's sad to see the series brought to this. It used to have a message, it used to be about characters, and it used to at least be fun to watch. This is just boring, filler white-noise. Don't bother.

2 out of 10.

Wall Street (1987)

At the risk of dating this review and making it less relatable to future generations, within the confines of our current economic turmoil this entire thing feels almost like some sort of fable or fairy tale. Showing a man's meteoric rise to wealth under the wing of an entirely ruthless stock buyer, this is the kind of film that reminds a person of the reasons why our portfolios all droop and drag right now. The core of the film is simple rise-and-fall type stuff. It contains almost no surprises, but is still smart about what and how it shows you the machinations at play. Better than that, though, is Michael Douglass as the buyer. Every tiny piece of the character can best be described as “total bastard”, all the way from his suit to his “greed is good” speech. As a relic of a bygone era of infinite prosperity, it is behind the times, but it seems to know it was a snapshot and not a timeless yarn. For what it is, the bits and pieces are impressive, and Douglass is magnificent. Beyond that, it's almost depressing the things this film preceeded.

8 out of 10.

Soldier (1998)

There is a reason why the “hardened killing machine defends adorable children” genre died out, and this is as good an example as any. Supposedly taking place in the same universe as the film Blade Runner, we're introduced to an infant being raised to be an unstoppable terminator, who is then rendered obsolete right about the time he starts looking like an over-the-hill Kurt Russell. Maybe then he'll learn to love and care for people instead of ripping out their throats, teaching children valuable life lessons and helping a community of refuges squeak out a living. It's exactly as cheesy and stupid as it sounds, and worse yet it doesn't even have any badass action bits or good explosions to soften the blow. This is as by the numbers as these films can get, and aside from a halfway decent turn by an almost completely silent Russell offers nothing notable. Skip it, move on. Blade Runner's universe doesn't need this.

3 out of 10.

Casino (1995)

Ever the master of the the montage and the mob movie, Martin Scorsese here gives us the raw, bloody red belly of Las Vegas casino management in the late 70s. It's basically like Goodfellas but with more sand. And like Goodfellas, it's based on truth. Here you get all the Scorsese crime film staples: brutal, unglamorous violence, an absolutely pitch-perfect classic rock soundtrack, Robert De Niro being somber and awesome, and Joe Pesci throwing out hundreds of the most finely crafted f-bombs in cinema. The whole thing runs at a blistering pace as well, which is good because even at such a brisk jog it still runs just shy of three never-dull hours. The epic length begets a story that feels even bigger; the first hour alone has enough plot to bury a half-dozen other movies and things only build, beautifully, from there. Martin Scorsese is simply the master of this genre, and once again he shows us why. There isn't a weak part, a slow moment, or a wrong cue anywhere to be found in this film. About the only way in which it fails is in not giving more of the real life stories behind the mayhem.

10 out of 10.

Commando (1985)

As we all know, once upon a time Arnold Schwarzenegger was freaking huge, and every film he was in throughout the 80s and early 90s was built specifically to highlight that fact. Here we're introduced to him carrying a chainsaw and a tree over his shoulder, because being a half ton of solid badass somehow wasn't manly enough on its own. Soon after, his daughter is kidnapped by a third world military junta. Daring feats of improbable, ultra-macho manliness ensue. If disposable eighties cheese and gigantic guns being emptied into faceless bad guys are your thing, then you'll be in heaven from start to finish. This movie is what it is though: a one-off sequence featuring continuously rising body count. As far as these types of films go it's more archetypal than actually good. It laid groundwork for dozens of films to follow, but on the whole it simply doesn't have a lot going for it on its own. If you can turn your brain completely to “off”, then you may welcome the hair this film puts on your chest. Otherwise it's probably better to move on to bigger, more preposterously manly fare.

6 out of 10.

American History X (1998)

Obvious message about racism is obvious. Between the heavy-handed slow-motion, and an overbearing score that's as subtle as a sledgehammer set on fire, this is a film that is so in service to its message that it nearly forgets about filmcraft. It's not that that message isn't worth hearing, or is any less relevant today than it was when the film was made, it's just that being beat over the head with one extreme after another has a way of disengaging the people who need to hear it. Still, taken for the heavy-handed monster that it is there is still some merit here. Seeing an ex neo-Nazi try to keep his little brother from following in his footsteps is a good opening salvo in the discussion, but ultimately the movie itself only ever feels like just that: an opening salvo in the discussion.

6 out of 10.
Might take some heat for this one...

Iron Man 2 (2010)

While the first sailed by on a whip-smart script and a stellar performance by Robert Downey Jr., part 2 swings by on upped production values and a larger focus on things that aren't the metal man himself. It's a different approach that pays off in a completely different way, but it may bug you depending on what it was about the first that you enjoyed. Like any sequel, the budget is bigger and the cast flashier. There are more things to distract from genuine character building, and in some ways it seems drunk on its own success (at least one subplot could have been cut entirely without hurting the film). But the switch-up lets there be more variety. The moments with the stars have less to say, but feel more special for their rarity. The action sequences are bigger in scope and impact, and better integrated into the story. The new characters all fit in fairly well with the old. The most damning thing to say about the film is that it only does what the first did, but bigger. Yet still, that works for what is only meant to be fun and funny. By the end, less may feel accomplished, but it's a more impressive ride regardless.

8 out of 10.

After Last Season (2009)

As a four-minute short film about neuroscience students unraveling a murder plot, it might have made for a workable B-grade student film. Unfortunately, this film goes on. And on. And on. What might work as an in-and-out college-level short is instead stretched out to ninety joyless minutes. Where to begin? How about the constant sound of pipe drainage in the background of every scene, or how each set is just some corkboard over drywall, or the MRI made of construction paper? Yes, the film really is that cheaply made. But worse is the unbelievable amount of dead space in the film. The actors show a largely inoffensive blasé attitude, but with gigantic spans of time between each line and a script filled with acres of completely useless information the whole affair seems like glacial episode of Seinfeld without even an attempt at humor. From top to bottom, this is just bad. It's barely even ripe for ribbing. That said, there are still worse films out there. The worst tend to waste talent. For this, there wasn't any talent to begin with.

1 out of 10.

OSS 117: Cairo, Nest of Spies (2006)

Also known as OSS 117: Le Caire, nid d'espion.
Among the many things that are amusing about this film, and the character of French special agent OSS 117, is that it not only predates Get Smart, but even beat James Bond to the punch. OSS 117, French spy extraordinaire, is as obnoxious as a terrible French stereotype, and as clueless as Maxwell Smart. This isn't the kind of film that is obviously hilarious. There are few big setpiece jokes. This is mostly a constant-grin sort of affair, with our hero accidentally doing just the right thing over and over again. Meanwhile the story acquits itself well enough. There's little remarkable about the film as a whole, other than the fact that the humor translates over fairly well, but the whole thing comes together quite well. As a comedy riff on spy films, there are some good chuckles to be had here.

7 out of 10.

Burn After Reading (2008)

Seeing the CIA's braintrust crash against the jagged rocks of clueless stupidity should be more fun than this. When the wrong information falls into the hands of a a batch of barely-competent fitness instructors, there should be some play on what 'government intelligence' is, or some laughs that play up a lack of preparation, or something. This is more of a drama about things that are difficult to get invested in than it is a straight up comedy. Deadpan presentation may be the Coen Brothers' M.O. but this one takes itself too seriously to be anything more than passing funny. Then as a set of twisting traps and back-and-forth entanglement it also comes up short. It has a few moments that stand out, and at least one excellent left turn, but largely this is a bit of well presented, interesting-but-not-compelling fluff. It's inconsequential and innocuous, too serious to be silly, too silly to be serious.

5 out of 10.

L.A. Confidential (1997)

Police procedural films live and die by their plot twists. It almost isn't worth bothering if the movie's entire world isn't turned upside-down by the time the credits kick up. This tries to be a salacious movie, a kind of what-if scenario by way of taking a 1950s mystery and giving it a modern coating of grit. It starts off as it should with each of the cop archetypes present and accounted for, right down to the Irish-accented police captain. Then, yes, things get complicated. As a novel the story must have been a gripping yarn, but as a film things get out of hand in just the right way to make the plot hard to follow. That doesn't make it any less interesting, but it's hard to invest in the story when you aren't sure who's double-crossing who exactly. The second half of the film is a whirlwind of shake-ups, and while they are excellent moments, there's little here that lingers after its over. For all the star power, and as excellently staged as moments within the story are, there's little here of substance. It's a fantastic quick fix for the genre, but it's a bit hollow.

7 out of 10.

O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000)

Homer's The Odyssey, rewritten for the deep south in the 1930s, and sprinkled with bluegrass and images taken from old photographs. That about sums it up. The thing is, if you try to apply any sort of critical thought to it the whole thing collapses like a thing that falls apart. One moment you're watching some slightly madcap comedy, the next it's some dark fable, the next it's jumped inspirations entirely and is trying to ape Gulliver's Travels. It's not a mess, but if you've got more in your head than what's being fed, the bridge starts to sway a bit too strongly. So what if you step away entirely and just approach with a blank stare? Then things go down fairly smooth. The comedy bits become funny, the non-sequitors become charming, everything else just lends to the glazed-over surreality that the brothers Coen have concocted. The music remains excellent either way. So its a mixed bag. Either you'll see straight through it and wonder what the hell you're watching, or it'll wash over you leaving a pleasant (if strange) aroma.

7 out of 10.