Apocalypto (2006)

I guess by number 10 they just slide right out (if you've seen it, you know what I mean). Well, for those of you wondering about Mel Gibson's post-zombie-carpenter oeuvre, you can rest assured that it has all the heart-ripping, face-chewing, and ball eating (yea, I went there) that you'd expect from Hollywood's most talented masochist. But is it any good? Honestly, it's a great big pile of 'meh'. While the scenery is nice (though somewhat ruined by first-gen HD cameras), the non-loincloth costumes impressive (jawbone pauldrons? I like!), and the language dead (and you thought Aramaic was hard to come by!), it just doesn't have a lot to offer. Sure there's a lot of violence, but the question I kept asking myself during the movie (and any time I start asking a lot of questions during a movie, there's a problem) is why? Why was this movie made? There doesn't seem to be any overall message I can discern. Sure the main character's struggle seems genuine, but just because you've got a solid reason to show two hours of jungle-running doesn't mean you can slack off on actual development. I have to say I was really disappointed in this film. I wasn't expecting Braveheart, but I still think if you're going go to the trouble of drudging up dead dialects, you could also put them around a thoroughly built movie. At least in Passion, we had some idea of who the main guy was, though even there it was no thanks to the movie itself.

5 out of 10.