Conan the Barbarian (1982)

Forged of few words, Arnold Schwarzenegger picks up a giant sword and swings it into one nameless drone's face after another. He's really at his best when he isn't talking. In this film, there isn't much but an angry man driven by age-old revenge pointed at a cult of snake-worshipers. Along the way a lot of men lose their heads and a lot of women lose their tops. The whole thing is manly brawn winning over all, but that's entirely its charm. There's a gleeful lack of political correctness to this era of action films and something like this drives it further home; women are often leverage while the bad guy is the only black person in the whole film. But then it's a throwback. It isn't condescending or mean-spirited, just a brutal ride through harsh territory, and a big, dumb, meaningless, lovable film.

7 out of 10.