BloodRayne (2005)

Start with a director who has a track record of Z-grade box office flops, add in an A-list cast who are clearly in need of a paycheck, digest, squat, and out squeezes this deformed monstrosity. Seriously, what were Kristanna Loken, Ben Kingsly, Michael Madsen, Michelle Williams, Meat Loaf, and Billy Zane's agents smoking?! How could an ultra-violent movie about a smoking hot vampire vixen turn out this awful? It's not even novelty bad! For the most part it's just boring, with occasional trips into painfully poor. Director Uwe Boll takes a lot of flack for being incapable of making movies with any redeeming qualities, and after four misbegotten failures I'm inclined to say that he should never be allowed to make movies ever again. If only it were that simple. The saddest part is that of his films, this is easily his best. And it's still intolerable! Everyone, do me a favor: if you come across a steaming pile directed by Uwe Boll, don't step in it.

None out of 10.